n of my own age; but I was now reserved and gloomy. It
seemed to me that a gulf separated me from all my fellow-creatures. I
used to look at my brothers and schoolfellows, and think how different I
was from them; they had not done what I had. I seemed, in my own eyes, a
lone monstrous being, and yet, strange to say, I felt a kind of pride in
being so. I was unhappy, but I frequently thought to myself, I have done
what no one else would dare to do; there was something grand in the idea;
I had yet to learn the horror of my condition.

"Time passed on, and I began to think less of what I had done; I began
once more to take pleasure in my childish sports; I was active, and
excelled at football and the like all the lads of my age. I likewise
began, what I had never done before, to take pleasure in the exercises of
the school. I made great progress in Welsh and English grammar, and
learnt to construe Latin. My master no longer chid or beat me, but one
day told my father that he had no doubt that one day I should be an
honour to Wales.

"Shortly after this my father fell sick; the progress of the disorder was
rapid; feeling his end approaching, he called his children before him.
After tenderly embracing us, he said, 'God bless you, my children; I am
going from you, but take comfort, I trust that we shall all meet again in
heaven.'

"As he uttered these last words, horror took entire possession of me.
Meet my father in heaven,--how could I ever hope to meet him there? I
looked wildly at my brethren and at my mother; they were all bathed in
tears, but how I envied them. They might hope to meet my father in
heaven, but how different were they from me, they had never committed the
unpardonable sin.

"In a few days my father died; he left his family in comfortable
circumstances, at least such as would be considered so in Wales, where
the wants of the people are few. My elder brother carried on the farm
for the benefit of my mother and us all. In course of time my brothers
were put out to various trades. I still remained at school, but without
being a source of expense to my relations, as I was by this time able to
assist my master in the business of the school.

"I was diligent both in self-improvement and in the instruction of
others; nevertheless, a horrible weight pressed upon my breast; I knew I
was a lost being; that for me there was no hope; that, though all others
might be saved, I must of necessity be lost: