r ourselves. We may not want to assume
responsibility for others. But having received love and choosing not to
love, we may lose such love as we have. We then become self-centered and
selfish misers of love, and therefore loveless.

How can we love our children so that they will become givers of love
rather than hoarders of it? How can the freedom and power to love be
released in them? The answer is, by encouraging their love responses. We
have already recognized the importance, first, of the need to be loved,
and second, of the need to love. We now face the importance of our being
able to accept love and of encouraging the attempts of people, and
especially of our children, to express their love. We might assume that
it is easy to welcome their responses. Unfortunately, our expressions of
love do not always please those to whom we make them. Because our love
offerings are not appreciated and accepted, we may feel unloved and
rejected. After repeated attempts to express our love successfully, and
having been repeatedly rejected and discouraged, we may give up and turn
our love in on ourselves.

A rose gardener told me of an instance that illustrates how difficult it
is to accept some love offerings. He not only grew roses, but exhibited
them as well. On one occasion, he had several blooms that he was
nurturing for a coming show, one of which was being produced on a bush
of his favorite variety. On the day before the exhibit his four-year-old
son appeared before him with ecstatic face and with his prize rose
clutched stemless in his hand, saying, "Look Daddy, what I brought you."
It was obvious that the youngster, who adored his father, thought that
he was presenting the perfect gift of his love, because he knew how much
his father liked that particular rose. The father, on the other hand,
confessed that he responded as the rose grower and exhibitor, rather
than as one who had an opportunity to encourage his son's love responses
by recognizing, from his son's point of view, the appropriateness of
the gift. When, therefore, he very understandably scolded and spanked
his child for picking the rose, the little boy was dreadfully upset.
Episodes of this kind, if only occasional, are not serious, because they
are experienced in the context of a relationship that is predominantly
loving, supportive, and encouraging.

When the expressions of love and affection of children are not received
with understanding and acceptance, th