wn person by getting so
drunk that he made a tank of himself, or by ordering his soldiers to
drill in the sun while he remained in the shade, or, more frequently,
by beating up his consort, who, if she was not a lamb of God to
take away one's sins, at least served to lay up for her spouse many
torments in Purgatory--if perchance he should get there, a matter of
doubt to the devout women. As if for the fun of it, these two used to
beat each other up beautifully, giving free shows to the neighborhood
with vocal and instrumental accompaniments, four-handed, soft, loud,
with pedal and all.

Whenever these scandals reached the ears of Padre Salvi, he would
smile, cross himself, and recite a paternoster. They called him a
grafter, a hypocrite, a Carlist, and a miser: he merely smiled and
recited more prayers. The alferez had a little anecdote which he
always related to the occasional Spaniards who visited him:

"Are you going over to the convento to visit the sanctimonious rascal
there, the little curate? Yes! Well, if he offers you chocolate which
I doubt--but if he offers it remember this: if he calls to the servant
and says, 'Juan, make a cup of chocolate, _eh!_' then stay without
fear; but if he calls out, 'Juan, make a cup of chocolate, _ah!_'
then take your hat and leave on a run."

"What!" the startled visitor would ask, "does he poison
people? _Carambas!_"

"No, man, not at all!"

"What then?"

"'Chocolate_, eh!_' means thick and rich, while 'chocolate, _ah!_'
means watered and thin."

But we are of the opinion that this was a slander on the part of
the alferez, since the same story is told of many curates. At least,
it may be a thing peculiar to the Order.

To make trouble for the curate, the soldier, at the instigation of his
wife, would prohibit any one from walking abroad after nine o'clock at
night. Dona Consolacion would then claim that she had seen the curate,
disguised in a pina camisa and salakot, walking about late. Fray Salvi
would take his revenge in a holy manner. Upon seeing the alferez enter
the church he would innocently order the sacristan to close all the
doors, and would then go up into the pulpit and preach until the very
saints closed their eyes and even the wooden dove above his head,
the image of the Holy Ghost, murmured for mercy. But the alferez,
like all the unregenerate, did not change his ways for this; he would
go away cursing, and as soon as he was able to catch a sacristan, or