the temptation to begin after the American fashion, "Shriek
sheds suspenders," and suited the writing, as I thought, to the market I
was writing for. I wrote up the incident for the Morning Post after the
following fashion:

"The news from Kowfat affords one more instance of a painful back-down
on the part of the Government. Our policy of spineless supineness is now
reaping its inevitable reward. To us there is only one thing to be done.
If the Shriek has torn off his suspenders he must be made to put them
on again. We have always held that where the imperial prestige of this
country is concerned there is no room for hesitation. In the present
instance our prestige is at stake: the matter involves our reputation in
the eyes of the surrounding natives, the Bantu Hottentots, the Negritos,
the Dwarf Men of East Abyssinia, and the Dog Men of Darfur. What will
they think of us? If we fail in this crisis their notion of us will fall
fifty per cent. In our opinion this country cannot stand a fifty per
cent drop in the estimation of the Dog Men. The time is one that demands
action. An ultimatum should be sent at once to the Shriek of Kowfat. If
he has one already we should send him another. He should be made at once
to put on his suspenders. The oil must be scraped off him, and he must
be told plainly that if a pup like him tries to start a Jehad he will
have to deal with the British Navy. We call the Shriek a pup in no sense
of belittling him as our imperial ally but because we consider that the
present is no time for half words and we do not regard pup as half a
word. Events such as the present, rocking the Empire to its base, make
one long for the spacious days of a Salisbury or a Queen Elizabeth, or
an Alfred the Great or a Julius Caesar. We doubt whether the present
Cabinet is in this class."

Not to lose any time in the coming and going of the mail, always a
serious thought for the contributor to the Press waiting for a cheque, I
sent another editorial on the same topic to the Manchester Guardian. It
ran as follows:

"The action of the Shriek of Kowfat in proclaiming a Jehad against us is
one that amply justifies all that we have said editorially since Jeremy
Bentham died. We have always held that the only way to deal with a
Mohammedan potentate like the Shriek is to treat him like a Christian.
The Khalifate of Kowfat at present buys its whole supply of cotton
piece goods in our market and pays cash. The Shriek, who is