o lecture (for money) and about the difficulty
of getting members to turn out to hear lectures.

Everybody has heard such a speech a dozen times. But it is the paid
lecturer sitting on the platform who best appreciates it. It runs like
this:

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, before I invite the lecturer of the evening
to address us there are a few words that I would like to say. There are
a good many members who are in arrears with their fees. I am aware that
these are hard times and it is difficult to collect money but at the
same time the members ought to remember that the expenses of the society
are very heavy. The fees that are asked by the lecturers, as I suppose
you know, have advanced very greatly in the last few years. In fact I
may say that they are becoming almost prohibitive."

This discourse is pleasant hearing for the lecturer. He can see the
members who have not yet paid their annual dues eyeing him with hatred.
The chairman goes on:

"Our finance committee were afraid at first that we could not afford to
bring Mr. Leacock to our society. But fortunately through the personal
generosity of two of our members who subscribed ten pounds each out of
their own pocket we are able to raise the required sum."

(Applause: during which the lecturer sits looking and feeling
like the embodiment of the "required sum.")

"Now, ladies and gentlemen," continues the chairman, "what I feel is
that when we have members in the society who are willing to make this
sacrifice,--because it is a sacrifice, ladies and gentlemen,--we ought
to support them in every way. The members ought to think it their duty
to turn out to the lectures. I know that it is not an easy thing to do.
On a cold night, like this evening, it is hard, I admit it is hard, to
turn out from the comfort of one's own fireside and come and listen to a
lecture. But I think that the members should look at it not as a matter
of personal comfort but as a matter of duty towards this society. We
have managed to keep this society alive for fifteen years and, though I
don't say it in any spirit of boasting, it has not been an easy thing
to do. It has required a good deal of pretty hard spade work by the
committee. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I suppose you didn't come here to
listen to me and perhaps I have said enough about our difficulties and
troubles. So without more ado (this is always a favourite phrase with
chairmen) I'll invite Mr. Leacock to address the soc