behavior which must always be the consequence
of violent passions. One moment I reproached him, the next I grew to
tenderness and blamed myself, and thought I fancied what was not true:
he saw my struggle and triumphed in it; but, as he had not witnesses
enough there of his victory to give him the full enjoyment of it,
he grew weary of the country and returned to Paris, and left me in a
condition it is utterly impossible to describe. My mind was like a city
up in arms, all confusion; and every new thought was a fresh disturber
of my peace. Sleep quite forsook me, and the anxiety I suffered threw me
into a fever which had like to have cost me my life. With great care I
recovered, but the violence of the distemper left such a weakness on
my body that the disturbance of my mind was greatly assuaged; and now I
began to comfort myself in the reflection that this gentleman's being
a finished coquette was very likely the only thing could have preserved
me; for he was the only man from whom I was ever in any danger. By that
time I was got tolerably well we returned to Paris; and I confess I both
wished and feared to see this cause of all my pain: however, I hoped,
by the help of my resentment, to be able to meet him with indifference.
This employed my thoughts till our arrival. The next day there was a
very full court to congratulate the queen on her recovery; and amongst
the rest my love appeared dressed and adorned as if he designed some
new conquest. Instead of seeing a woman he despised and slighted,
he approached me with that assured air which is common to successful
coxcombs. At the same time I perceived I was surrounded by all those
ladies who were on his account my greatest enemies, and, in revenge,
wished for nothing more than to see me make a ridiculous figure. This
situation so perplexed my thoughts, that when he came near enough to
speak to me, I fainted away in his arms. Had I studied which way I
could gratify him most, it was impossible to have done anything to have
pleased him more. Some that stood by brought smelling-bottles, and used
means for my recovery; and I was welcomed to returning life by all those
repartees which women enraged by envy are capable of venting. One cried
'Well, I never thought my lord had anything so frightful in his person
or so fierce in his manner as to strike a young lady dead at the sight
of him.' 'No, no,' says another, 'some ladies' senses are more apt to
be hurried by agreeable than