and people in similar lines,
y'understand, compared with the czar already, an old-established house
like Hapsburg's in Vienna would be rated N. to Q., Credit Four, see
foot-note. And to-day, Mawruss, where _is_ he?"

"Say," Morris protested, "any one could have reverses, Abe, because it
don't make no difference if it would be a czar _oder_ a pants
manufacturer, and they both had ratings like John B. Rockafellar even,
along comes two or three bad seasons like the czar had it, y'understand,
and the most you could hope for would be thirty cents on the dollar--ten
cents cash and the balance in notes at three, six, and nine months,
indorsed by a grand duke who has got everything he owns in his wife's
name and 'ain't spent an evening at home with her since way before the
Crimean War already."

"What happened to the Czar, Mawruss," Abe said, "bad seasons didn't done
it. Not reckoning quick assets, like crowns actually in stock,
fixtures, etc., the feller must of owned a couple million _versts_
high-grade real property, to say nothing of his life insurance,
Mawruss."

[Illustration: "I bet yer over half a czar's morning mail already is
circulars from casket concerns alone, Abe."]

"Czars and life insurance ain't in the same dictionary at all, Abe,"
Morris interrupted. "In the insurance business, Abe, czars comes under
the same head as aviators with heart trouble, y'understand. I bet yer
over half a czar's morning mail already is circulars from casket
concerns alone, Abe, so that only goes to show how much you know from
czars."

"Well, I know this much, anyhow," Abe continued. "What put the Czar out
of business, didn't happen this season or last season neither, Mawruss.
It dates back already twenty years ago, which you can take it from me,
Mawruss, it don't make no difference what line a feller would be
in--czars wholesale, czars retail, or czars' supplies and sundries,
including bombproof underwear and the Little Wonder Poison Detector,
y'understand, the moment such a feller marries into the family of his
nearest competitor, Mawruss, he might just as well go down to a lawyer's
office and hand him the names he wants inserted in Schedule A Three of
his petition in bankruptcy."

"Did the Czar marry into such a family?" Morris asked.

"A question!" Abe exclaimed. "Didn't you know that the Czar's wife is
the Kaiser's mother's sister's daughter?"

"Say!" Morris retorted. "I didn't even know that the Kaiser _had_ a
mother.