brooding and brooding over
the idea that it was a wild thing to dream of, ever: and that I ought to
be at rest for the _Dombey_."

The letter came, written on Wednesday not Tuesday night, and it left the
question still unsettled. "When I came here" (Geneva, 30th of September)
"I had a bloodshot eye; and my head was so bad, with a pain across the
brow, that I thought I must have got cupped. I have become a great deal
better, however, and feel quite myself again to-day. . . . I still have not
made up my mind as to what I CAN do with the Christmas book. I would
give any money that it were possible to consult with you. I have begun
the second part this morning, and have done a very fair morning's work
at it, but I do not feel it _in hand_ within the necessary space and
divisions: and I have a great uneasiness in the prospect of falling
behind hand with the other labour, which is so transcendantly important.
I feel quite sure that unless I (being in reasonably good state and
spirits) like the Christmas book myself, I had better not go on with it;
but had best keep my strength for _Dombey_, and keep my number in
advance. On the other hand I am dreadfully averse to abandoning it, and
am so torn between the two things that I know not what to do. It is
impossible to express the wish I have that I could take counsel with
you. Having begun the second part I will go on here, to-morrow and
Friday (Saturday, the Talfourds come to us at Lausanne, leaving on
Monday morning), unless I see new reason to give it up in the meanwhile.
Let it stand thus--that my next Monday's letter shall finally decide the
question. But if you have not already told Bradbury and Evans of my last
letter I think it will now be best to do so. . . . This non-publication of
a Christmas book, if it must be, I try to think light of with the
greater story just begun, and with this _Battle of Life_ story (of which
I really think the leading idea is very pretty) lying by me, for future
use. But I would like you to consider, in the event of my not going on,
how best, by timely announcement, in November's or December's _Dombey_,
I may seem to hold the ground prospectively. . . . Heaven send me a good
deliverance! If I don't do it, it will be the first time I ever
abandoned anything I had once taken in hand; and I shall not have
abandoned it until after a most desperate fight. I could do it, but for
the _Dombey_, as easily as I did last year or the year before. But I
ca