an be adequate which does not express in some
concrete shape the universality of his appeal. This end might be
attained by erecting a cenotaph in his honour in every churchyard and
cemetery in England. I admit that such a scheme would cost money and so
might be contrary to the spirit of economy which ought to animate
everyone at this hour. But a beginning might be made even now, and I
have composed a Funeral March in _Hamlet_ the proceeds of which I would
gladly devote to the purpose,

ALGERNON BROOKWOOD.

* * * * *

[Illustration: HOW TO TALK TO THE WOUNDED.

"WHAT THE BOSCHES CAN'T STAND, YOU KNOW, MA'AM, IS COLD STEEL."

"YES, I SUPPOSE IT GETS _VERY_ COLD THIS TIME OF YEAR."]

* * * * *

A SHORT WAY WITH LECTURERS.

"To-morrow the Central Methodist Mission will celebrate the
anniversary of its rescue and social work. The Sisters of the
people are to take part in the morning service, and in the
afternoon Mr. ---- is killed for an address on 'The Social
Outlook.'"--_Sydney Daily Telegraph._

* * * * *

The KAISER to FERDINAND:--

"I have begged your Majesty to accept the dignity of Prussian
Field-Marshal, and I am with my Amy happy that you, by accepting
it also in this sense, have become one of us."--_Irish Paper._

GERMAN EMPRESS, to her husband: "And who is Amy?"

* * * * *

AT THE PLAY.

"PLEASE HELP EMILY."

The date at which _Emily_ needed so much assistance was clearly _ante
bellum_, for there is no mention of hostilities, no gun-fire is heard
from the direction of Westende, and Belgium is still bathing. But it
must have been only just before the War, for the emancipation which the
female sex here enjoys is marked by an extreme modernity. A decade or
two ago we might have been shocked at the spectacle of a young lady
turning up at a bachelor's flat at 9 A.M. on a Sunday in a ball-frock,
after a night out at a dancing-club. Lately we have learnt to bear such
escapades without flinching. But it was not so with _Emily's_ guardian,
_Sir Samuel Lethbridge_, very Victorian in his stuffy prejudice in
favour of the decencies; and it was necessary to put him off with a tale
of her sudden departure to Brussels to render first aid to an aunt
stricken with mumps. In order to give colour to this fabrication