myself to you, and set down
each sad thought as it occurs.

I am thinking how I will never get a clean shirt to my back; how my coat
will always be out at the elbows; and how I never will get my breeches
to stay up. I am thinking how I will be married to a shrew of a wife,
who will beat me every evening and morning, and sometimes in the middle
of the day. I am thinking what a d----d w---- she will be, and how my
children will be most of them hanged, and whipped through towns, and
burnt in the hand. I am thinking of what execrable poems I will write;
and how I will be thrown into prison for debt; and how I will never get
out again; and how nobody will pity me. I am thinking how hungry I will
be; and how little I will get to eat; and how I'll long for a piece of
roast-beef; and how they'll bring me a rotten turnip. And I am thinking
how I will take a consumption, and waste away inch by inch; and how I'll
grow very fat and unwieldy, and won't be able to stir out of my chair.
And I am thinking how I'll be roasted by the Portuguese inquisition; and
how I'll be impaled by the Turks; and how I'll be eaten by Cannibals;
and how I'll be drowned on a voyage to the East Indies; and how I'll be
robbed and murdered by a highwayman; and how I'll lose my senses; and
how very mad I'll be; and how my body will be thrown out to dogs to
devour; and how I'll be hanged, drawn, and quartered; and how my friend
Boswell will neglect me; and how I'll be despised by the whole world;
and how I will meet with ten thousand misfortunes worse than the loss of
my kittens.

Thus have I, in a brief manner, related a few of the calamities which,
in the present disposition of my mind, appear so dreadful; I could have
enlarged the catalogue, but your heart is too susceptible of pity, and I
will not shock you altogether. You will doubtless remark the great
inequality of our fortunes. In your last letter, you was the happiest
man I was ever acquainted with; I wish it may last, and that your
children may have as much merit as you imagine; I only hope you won't
plan a marriage with any of mine, their dispositions will be so unlike,
that it must prove unhappy.

Pray send me Derrick's versifications, which though they are undoubtedly
very bad, I shall be glad to see, as sometimes people take a pleasure in
beholding a man hanged. And now, Boswell, I am going to end my letter,
which being very short, I know will please you, as you will think you
have gained a