n descendant with a cigarette.

PENITENT, adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment.

PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the
actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.

The editor of an English magazine having received a letter
pointing out the erroneous nature of his views and style, and signed
"Perfection," promptly wrote at the foot of the letter: "I don't
agree with you," and mailed it to Matthew Arnold.

PERIPATETIC, adj. Walking about. Relating to the philosophy of
Aristotle, who, while expounding it, moved from place to place in
order to avoid his pupil's objections. A needless precaution--they
knew no more of the matter than he.

PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles,
but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous
peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in
preparing it.

PERSEVERANCE, n. A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an
inglorious success.

"Persevere, persevere!" cry the homilists all,
Themselves, day and night, persevering to bawl.
"Remember the fable of tortoise and hare--
The one at the goal while the other is--where?"
Why, back there in Dreamland, renewing his lease
Of life, all his muscles preserving the peace,
The goal and the rival forgotten alike,
And the long fatigue of the needless hike.
His spirit a-squat in the grass and the dew
Of the dogless Land beyond the Stew,
He sleeps, like a saint in a holy place,
A winner of all that is good in a race.

Sukker Uffro

PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the
observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his
scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

PHILANTHROPIST, n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has
trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

PHILISTINE, n. One whose mind is the creature of its environment,
following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is
sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always
solemn.

PHILOSOPHY, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

PHOENIX, n. The classical prototype of the modern "small hot bird."

PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.

PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in
art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite