laws I faithfully have kept,
And ever for the sins of man have wept;
And sometimes kneeling in the temple I
Have reverently crossed my hands and slept.

Junker Barlow

ALLEGIANCE, n.

This thing Allegiance, as I suppose,
Is a ring fitted in the subject's nose,
Whereby that organ is kept rightly pointed
To smell the sweetness of the Lord's anointed.

G.J.

ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who
have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they
cannot separately plunder a third.

ALLIGATOR, n. The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to
the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World. Herodotus
says the Indus is, with one exception, the only river that produces
crocodiles, but they appear to have gone West and grown up with the
other rivers. From the notches on his back the alligator is called a
sawrian.

ALONE, adj. In bad company.

In contact, lo! the flint and steel,
By spark and flame, the thought reveal
That he the metal, she the stone,
Had cherished secretly alone.

Booley Fito

ALTAR, n. The place whereupon the priest formerly raveled out the
small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination
and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used,
except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a
male and a female tool.

They stood before the altar and supplied
The fire themselves in which their fat was fried.
In vain the sacrifice!--no god will claim
An offering burnt with an unholy flame.

M.P. Nopput

AMBIDEXTROUS, adj. Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket
or a left.

AMBITION, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while
living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would
be too expensive to punish.

ANOINT, v.t. To grease a king or other great functionary already
sufficiently slippery.

As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood,
So pigs to lead the populace are greased good.

Judibras

ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.

APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.

The flabby wine-skin of his brain
Yields to some pathologic strain,
And voids from its unstored abysm
The driblet of an aphorism.

"The Mad Philosopher," 1697

APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future of