pentine walks, and shot my uncle Toby ten times in a day,
through his liver, if nine times in a day, Madam, had not served your
purpose.

With all this, Madam,--and what confounded every thing as much on the
other hand, my uncle Toby had that unparalleled modesty of nature I
once told you of, and which, by the bye, stood eternal sentry upon
his feelings, that you might as soon--But where am I going? these
reflections crowd in upon me ten pages at least too soon, and take up
that time, which I ought to bestow upon facts.

Chapter 3.LXXIII.

Of the few legitimate sons of Adam whose breasts never felt what
the sting of love was,--(maintaining first, all mysogynists to be
bastards,)--the greatest heroes of ancient and modern story have carried
off amongst them nine parts in ten of the honour; and I wish for their
sakes I had the key of my study, out of my draw-well, only for five
minutes, to tell you their names--recollect them I cannot--so be content
to accept of these, for the present, in their stead.

There was the great king Aldrovandus, and Bosphorus, and Cappadocius,
and Dardanus, and Pontus, and Asius,--to say nothing of the iron-hearted
Charles the XIIth, whom the Countess of K..... herself could make
nothing of.--There was Babylonicus, and Mediterraneus, and Polixenes,
and Persicus, and Prusicus, not one of whom (except Cappadocius and
Pontus, who were both a little suspected) ever once bowed down his
breast to the goddess--The truth is, they had all of them something else
to do--and so had my uncle Toby--till Fate--till Fate I say, envying his
name the glory of being handed down to posterity with Aldrovandus's and
the rest,--she basely patched up the peace of Utrecht.

--Believe me, Sirs, 'twas the worst deed she did that year.

Chapter 3.LXXIV.

Amongst the many ill consequences of the treaty of Utrecht, it was
within a point of giving my uncle Toby a surfeit of sieges; and though
he recovered his appetite afterwards, yet Calais itself left not a
deeper scar in Mary's heart, than Utrecht upon my uncle Toby's. To the
end of his life he never could hear Utrecht mentioned upon any account
whatever,--or so much as read an article of news extracted out of the
Utrecht Gazette, without fetching a sigh, as if his heart would break in
twain.

My father, who was a great Motive-Monger, and consequently a very
dangerous person for a man to sit by, either laughing or crying,--for he
generally knew your motiv