(Uproar.)

All you have to do now is to work in some more topics. I don't think I
shall do any more now. The truth is, that that verse has rather taken
it out of me.

In my next lecture I shall deal with Blank Verse and "The King's
Regulations."

A.P.H.

* * * * *

[Illustration: A MIDSUMMER NIGHTMARE.

JOHN BULL. "'IF I HAD WIT ENOUGH TO GET OUT OF THIS WOOD,' ..."

_A Midsummer Night's Dream_, Act III., Sc. 1.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: ELIMINATION.

_Stranger._ "CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE MR. TOOLEY LIVES?"

_Native._ "THERE'S FIFTEEN FAMILIES O' TOOLEYS."

_Stranger._ "MR. SAMUEL TOOLEY?"

_Native._ "THERE'S TWENTY SAM TOOLEYS."

_Stranger._ "HE IS, I BELIEVE, A CARPENTER."

_Native._ "TEN ON EM'S CARPENTERS."

_Stranger._ "HIS AGE IS SEVENTY-EIGHT."

_Native._ "AH, THAT MUST BE ME. WHAT CAN I DO FUR EE?"]

* * * * *

"DEESIDE FOREST FIRE.

Ground game flew from their nesting places with shrill
cries."--_Daily Paper._

Odd behaviour for hares and rabbits?

* * * * *

Professional Candour.

"YOUNG GENTLEMEN TAUGHT
BALLROOM DANCING
(Privately).
INDIVIDUAL INSTRUCTION. NO CLASS."

_Advert. in South African Paper._

* * * * *

"FOR SALE.--A chance for Art Collectors:--Beautiful Enamel on
Gold by Email de Geneve."--_Singapore Free Press._

We understand that the advertiser has also for sale some priceless
statuary by the eminent sculptor, Platre de Paris.

* * * * *

"By Lady M---- S----.

My favourite quotation is: 'Things are what they are, and the
consequences will be what they will be; why, then, should we
wish to be deceived?'--_Samuel Butler._"--_Daily Sketch._

It always looks well, when mentioning the name of the author of one's
favourite quotation, to get it right. There seems to be an Analogy
here between Lady M---- S---- and that PHARAOH "who knew not JOSEPH."

* * * * *

NEW MODES FOR MARS.

The anti-scarlet fever raging throughout the country is causing the
Government the deepest concern, and many schemes for modifying the
present khaki uniform of our troops, instead of reverting to the old
red and blue for ceremonial wear, have, it is well known, been under
consideration by the tailoring