her. Jack had got leave at last and she
was expecting him home that very afternoon, so I must come down and see
him before his six days expired. "I wish now," she went on, "that I had
taken your advice, but it was so difficult somehow. Because ever since I
told Jillings and the others about Jack's coming home they have been
going about smiling so importantly that I'm horribly afraid they're
planning some dreadful surprise, and I daren't ask them what. Now I must
break off, as I must get ready to go to the station with Tony and meet
dear Jack...."

Then followed a frantic postscript. "I know _now_! They've dressed poor
Tony up in a little khaki uniform that doesn't even fit him! And, what's
worse, they've put up a perfectly terrible triumphal arch over the front
gate, with 'Hail to our Hero' on it in immense letters. They all seem so
pleased with themselves--and anyway there's no time to alter anything
now. But I don't know what Jack will say."

I don't either, but I could give a pretty good guess. I shall see him
and Celia to-morrow. But I shall be rather surprised if I see Jillings.

F. A.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Old Lady_ (_quite carried away_). "How nice it is to
have the ticket proffered, as it were, instead of thrust upon one!"]

* * * * *

THE WELL-DISPOSED ONES.

(_With acknowledgments to the back page of "The Referee."_)

Bertram Brazenthwaite, Basso-Profondo (varicose veins and flat feet),
respectfully informs his extensive _clientele_ that he has a few vacant
dates at the end of 1917. Comings-of-Age, Jumble Sales and Fabian
Society Soirees a specialite.

Sir Sawyer Hackett, M. D., writes: "The physical defects which
prevent Mr. Brazenthwaite from joining the colours have left his
vocal gifts and general gaiety unimpaired."

* * * * *

Do you want your Christening to be a _succes fou_? Then send for Hubert
the Homunculus, London's Premier Baby-Entertainer (astigmatism, and
conscientious objections).

"Hubert the Homunculus would make a kitten laugh."--Hilary Joye, in
_The Encore_.

High-art pamphlet from "The Lebanons," New North Road, N.

* * * * *

Jolly Jenkin, Patriotic Prestidigitator (Group 98). Nominal terms to the
Army, Navy and Civic Guard. Address till end of week