mutual
relations; indeed, it is probable that I loved her too much for anything
of the kind to be possible. Every night, before I went to sleep, I
prayed to God to watch over this girl. As I have said before, my
fondness was reciprocated; we often spoke to one another about our love,
and of our dreams of the happy days to come, when we should be grown up,
and should become man and wife. This was quite a settled matter; we had
arranged every detail, how the wedding should be conducted, and whom we
should invite to the ceremony. With this girl I shared all my
possessions, although before I knew her I had been considered
close-fisted. I was often angry when in games with the other girls she
failed to win. In a word I can truthfully declare that I have hardly
ever since loved so fondly and so sincerely as I did then. When I went
to the boys' school, it was no longer possible for us to be together as
much as before. Thus it came to pass, that the less we saw of one
another, the less were my thoughts occupied with this girl. But I cannot
remember that my fondness for her was ever replaced by a similar passion
for a boy; nor, speaking generally, can I recall having ever at any time
had any kind of sexual inclination towards one of my own sex. I would
not venture absolutely to deny that this ever occurred; but, bearing in
mind what I have learned from you on several occasions, I have carefully
taxed my memory, and can only repeat what I told you at first, that I
remember nothing of the kind. Somewhat later, in my dreams, boys
occasionally played a part, but I cannot recall that these dreams about
boys had any sexual complexion. They were vague images of boys
sympathetic to me, but these dreams were not accompanied by any
excitement of the genital organs, or by any other sexual manifestation.
When I was thirteen years of age, my parents and those of my girl-friend
had taken us to spend the summer at a seaside resort. The girl and I
played together on the seashore, and occasionally, though we were now
somewhat old for such an amusement, we dug sand-castles. As small
children we had from time to time embraced one another, but a kiss had
been the most intimate contact we had experienced. One day we were
playing on the shore--I remember it very distinctly--and were rolling
about together in the sand; thus occupied we came into close physical
contact, and thereupon I had an erection. I remember too that the
sensation of this was very