hellbacks wouldn't touch 'er because she steered so 'orrid.

She set a course for Bremen with contraband inside 'er,
An' she might 'ave got there some time if a cruiser 'adn't spied 'er.

She nearly drowned the boarders because she cut such capers,
But they found she was a German through inspectin' of 'er papers.

So they put a crew aboard 'er, which was both right an' lawful,
An' the prize crew 'ad a picnic, because she steered so awful.

But they brought 'er into Kirkwall, an' then they said, "Lord lumme,
If I ever see an 'ooker as steered so kind o' rummy!"

But she'll fetch 'er price at auction, for oh, she looks a daisy
(Just the way that some ships do!)
An' the chap as tops the biddin' won't know she steers so crazy
(But it's true, my Johnny Bowline, true!)

C.F.S.

=TO MR. BALFOUR ON HIS RETURN.=

Our hearts go out with all our ships that plough the deadly sea,
But the ship that brought us safely back the only ARTHUR B.
Was freighted with good wishes in a very high degree.

There are heaps of politicians who can hustle and can shriek,
And some, though very strong in lung, in brains are very weak,
But A.J.B.'s equipment is admittedly unique.

His manners are delightful, and the workings of his mind
Have never shown the slightest trace of self-esteem behind;
Nor has he had at any time a private axe to grind.

For forty years and upwards he has graced the public scene
Without becoming sterilized or stiffened by routine;
He still retains his freshness and his brain is just as keen.

His credit was not shipwrecked on the fatal Irish reef;
He has always been a loyal and a sympathetic chief;
And he has also written _The Foundations of Belief_.

As leader of the Mission to our cousins and Allies,
We learn with satisfaction, but without the least surprise,
That he proved the very cynosure of Transatlantic eyes.

For the special brand of statesman _plus_ aristocratic sage,
Like the model king-philosopher described in PLATO'S page,
Is uncommonly attractive in a democratic age.

"BALFOUR Must Go!" was once the cry of those who deemed him slack,
But now there's not a single scribe of that unruly pack
Who is not glad in every sense that BALFOUR has come back.

And as for his "successor"--the Napoleonic peer
Whose functions are restricted to a purely business sphere--
We must try to bear his absence in a spirit of good cheer.