, and I
am afraid I was more than a little tart with my typist.

I was kept late for dinner, and when I entered the room I found Joan
minor sitting in her place, her eyes bright with expectation. Beside
my place was a covered muffin dish. There was no dallying with the
pleasure this time, for I had suddenly become young again, and could
not have waited had I tried. I lifted the cover, and there, about the
size of a well-nourished pea, lay the first-fruit of Joan minor's
peculiar and personal allotment, prepared, planted and dug by Joan
minor's own hands, a veritable and unmistakable potato.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Official of Lady War-workers' Bureau_. "WHAT SORT OF
WORK DO YOU FEEL FITTED FOR?"

_Applicant_. "I DON'T QUITE KNOW, BUT I WANT TO WEAR THESE CLOTHES."]

* * * * *

Our Official Pessimists.

From an Admiralty notice:--

"It is to be particularly noted that entries are only being made
for 12 years' service, and not for duration of war."--_Evening
Paper_.

* * * * *

"Summoned at Barry for having driven a horse whilst drunk, Antonio
Millonas was stated to have narrowly missed a policeman and two
children."--_Western Mail_.

We are all in favour of prohibition for horses.

* * * * *

=IN A GOOD CAUSE.=

The Newport Market Army Training School, Greencoat Place, Westminster,
which has for over fifty years been training homeless and destitute
boys to become soldiers of the KING, and has sent over two thousand
into the Army, is in great need of funds. Mr. Punch cordially supports
the appeal of the President of the School, H.R.H. the Duke of
CONNAUGHT, who "sincerely hopes the public will generously support
an Institution that has for so many years quietly and unobtrusively
furnished a Christian home and education to poor and outcast lads, and
has supplied the Army with so many good and gallant soldiers."

Donations and inquiries should be addressed to the Secretary, the Rev.
H.A. WILSON, 20, Great Peter Street, Westminster, S.W.1.

* * * * *

A Credit to the Commonwealth.

"COCKATOO, Australian, splendid talker, does not
swear."--_Newcastle Evening Chronicle_.

* * * * *

=THE HAT AND THE VISIT.=

"Francesca," I said, "does my hat really look all right?"

When I pu