included Thomas Hardy's 'Life's Little Ironies,' which are full of
fun."

Mr. HARDY will be glad, no doubt, to add this little irony to his
collection.

* * * * *

THE KELPIE.

The scoffer rails at ancient tales
Of lake and stream and river;
The wise man owns that in his bones
The kelpie makes him shiver.

Big salmon-flies the scoffer buys,
Long rods and wading stockings;
Unpicturesque he walks in Esk
With unbelief and mockings.

"A river-horse! O-ho, of course!"
And shouts with ribald laughter;
He does not see in his cheap glee
The kelpie trotting after.

The storm comes chill from off the hill;
An eerie wind doth holloa;
And near and near by surges drear
The water-horse doth follow.

A snort, a snuff; enough, enough;
Past prayer or human help he
Comes never more to mortal door
Who meets the water-kelpie.

* * * * *

"THE KING ARRIVES IN SCOTLAND

ASKED TO LEAVE."

_Consecutive Headlines in "The Daily Mirror."_

The habit of reading the headlines in our pictorial newspapers without
glancing at the pictures beneath them is liable to create false
impressions.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Mrs. Symons (wishing to draw attention, in the time-
honoured manner, to the amount of dust on the drawing-room furniture)._
"LOOK AT THAT, MARTHA; I CAN WRITE MY NAME ON THE PIANO."

_Martha._ "FANCY, NOW, YOU SPELLING IT WITH A 'Y.'"]

* * * * *

TO A MAKER OF PILLS.

"The Pill Trade has fallen on evil days; no ex-service men seem to
require pills."--_A pill manufacturer summoned for rates at Willesden._

O Benefactor of the British Tommy,
So often sick in far unfriendly climes,
What tears of sympathy are flowing from me
To learn that you have fallen on evil times!
Yea, to my mind 'tis little short of tragic
That men no longer buy your potent spheres of magic!

Scarce less detested than the Bulgar bullet
Your bitter pellets of Quin. Sulph. gr. 5
Have often stuck in my long-suffering gullet,
Leaving me barely more than half alive,
Whilst the accursed drug, whose taste I dread,
Hummed like an aeroplane within my throbbing head.

And what about Acetyl-Salicylic,
And what of Calomels and Soda Sals?
Existence had been even less idyllic
Without those p