e comforts,
by a Georgian poet weary of the racket of Hammersmith.

* * *

Complete suits of armour, guaranteed bottle-proof, ten guineas each,
suitable for elderly pedestrians in charabanc areas.

* * *

Madame Bogolubov, Crystal-gazer in ordinary to the ex-King CONSTANTINE, is
prepared for a small fee to advise intending explorers, prospectors or
treasure-seekers as to suitable spots for excavation, oil-boring, etc.

* * *

Disused Martello Tower on the Irish coast, fifty miles from a police
barrack, offered cheap as an appropriate basis of observation to psychic
enthusiasts anxious to study the ways of leprechauns, banshees, etc.

* * *

Genuine portraits by VAN DYCK, VELASQUEZ and REMBRANDT must be sold
immediately to pay a debt of honour. Price thirty shillings each, or would
take part payment in pre-war whisky.

* * *

Semi-paralysed Yugo-Slav professor, speaking seventeen languages, will give
lessons to neo-plutocrats in the correct pronunciation of the names of all
the foreign singers, dancers and artists performing or exhibiting in
London.

* * *

Persons interested in edible fungi may be glad to take shares in a fungus
plantation about to be started in the neighbourhood of Toller Porcorum,
Dorchester.

* * * * *

THE RETURN OF THE COLONEL.

House, the enigmatic Colonel, WILSON'S right-hand man in France
When the PRESIDENT was leading Peace's great Parisian dance,
Once again returns to Europe as a journalist free-lance.

He's a most sagacious person, indisposed to carp or grouse,
So we hope he'll be successful, aided by his tact and _nous_,
In upholding Mr. WILSON, _not_ in bringing down the House.

* * * * *

THE UBIQUITOUS SCOT.

From _The Times'_ summary of news:--

"Our Constantinople correspondent, in a message reviewing the situation
in Armenia, states that the Armenians have captured the ancient town of
Nakhitchevan, where a Tartan Government had been set up."

Small wonder that, people complain that no place is safe from Scotland's
activities. Meanwhile there seems a likelihood of a Tarzan Government being
set up in the film world.

* * * * *

From Mrs. ASQUITH'S reminiscences:

"One day after this conversation he [the late Lord Salisbury] came to
see me in Cavendish Square, bringing with him a signed photograph of
himself. This was in the yea