hear me read the document with the suicide note. It's
as good as Marie Corelli."

"All right, old thing," answered Stevens. "Fire the whole broadside!"

"No, no; I'm goin' to spare you the whole official document. It
pretends to be a formal instruction to this beef-headed flunky,
from his guardian, of a test to prove his mettle and gain experience
to fit him for the highest posts of the diplomatic service by going
round the bally world and doin' other people in for their tin. It
is a yard long, and was undoubtedly written by the same dish-washer
who wrote that doggerel on his shirt. It promises him half a million
sterling when he comes back to London after visiting Australasia,
China, India, and other countries, and pickin' up his tucker free as
he goes. Also, the shark is permitted to send back for coin at this
date, and he must get married to a Tahitian. He probably fixes it
different in every country. It's signed, 'Your affectionate guardian,
James Kitson, Baron Airedale of Gledhow.'"

"Whew!" spluttered Hobson, "the blighter has no limits. Do you mean
to tell me he gets away with that folderol?"

"For months he has lived at Lovaina's, Fanny's, and even on the
Chinese. He has borrowed thousands of francs, and spent it for drink
and often for champagne. He did old Lovaina up for money as well as
board. She believes in him yet, and calls him Lord Innes or Sir Gordon,
but says she has no more to risk. He promised to build her a big hotel
where the Annexe is. He's got many of the Tahitian girls and their
mothers mad over his style and his prospects. Finally, he was warned
by me to leave the island, and the result was his tryin' to borrow the
lethal weapon, the poem and the letter. The Baron Airedale document he
showed me when he first landed, to try to get my indorsement. There's
no Burke in the South Seas, and there probably is no such bloomin'
baron. Sounds more like a dog." The consul chuckled.

"Those lairds are as plentiful as brands of Scotch whisky made in
England," Stevens said derisively. "What will you do to uphold the
honor of the British crown? Is the Scotch bastard to go on with his
fairy-tale and do brown the colonials?"

"I am going to have the diplomat repair the roads of Tahiti for two
months, and then ship him third-class to New Zealand, where he has to
go to carry out his blasted fate," the consul declared, and ordered
all glasses filled.

We discussed the sudden and abnormal appearance of boot