I wuz talkin' Bible but didn't explain, and walked onwards. The F. F.
(friendly female) come too, and pretty soon we come to what they
called a new-matic tube and the F. F. explained it to me, sez she,
"You are shet into a car made of iron and it runs with a deafenin'
roar into a dark tunnel, and all to once the car slides down twenty
feet and dashes through another dark tunnel and then comes out where
you went in. If it wuzn't for the dretful noise," sez she, "it would
seem like a grave. Don't you want to try it?"

"No, mom," sez I, "I shan't git into any coffin' and grave till my
time comes."

"Well," sez she, "I'm goin' into the Scenic Railway, won't you come
too?" And not wantin' to act hauty and high-headed I bought a ticket
and went in with her. It looked some like a great high rock with a
cavern hollered out, and a huge devil's head with a waterfall flowin'
out of its mouth. I knowed the devil couldn't hurt us as long as he
kep' his mouth full of water. So we got on a car with about ten other
folks and they locked us in and we went right up I calculated about
half a mild, though I didn't measure, and then we sailed off and first
I knew there wuz Havana Harbor, war ships, forts, etc., and the city.
But we didn't stop for refreshments, for all of a sudden down we went
probably half a mild right straight down. I ketched holt of the F. F.
and she ketched holt of me. When all to once we wuz to the North Pole,
ice, snow drifts, white bears, etc., surrounded us and a sign with Dr.
Cook on it.

The F. F. riz up and yelled to the conductor to stop. Sez she, "I want
to get out to the Pole, I want to discover it! I want to git my name
in the papers! I want to be talked about!" sez she.

We wuz goin' up a tremengous mountain, and he sez, "Set down or you
_will_ git your name in the death notices."

Whether he laid out to kill her I don't know, for she set down. And
jest then somebody yells, "Here we go down to the bottomless pit."

I sez to the F. F., "I can't believe it! 'Tain't so! It must be
Pugatory!"

But there wuz the sign, "Hell."

[Illustration: "_On we went under the waterfall, up, up, down, down,
and finally shot out jest where we got in._" (_See
page 232_)]

"Oh!" I groaned out in agony, "what have I ever done to merit this!
Have I ever been mean enough to Josiah?" But there they wuz, fiery
pits, big devils and little ones with pitchforks and darts, etc. Only
one thought assuaged my torment, my Josia