used to be in vogue before Josiah Allen wuz born, a
anteek tin lantern with holes in the sides, and one candle power. He
had bought it greedily, sayin' it wuz jest like one his grandpa had
when he wuz a child.

He had left it in the office, and had lit that lantern and wuz now
hangin' along in the rear of that gay procession, with that mummy-like
figger, a jest, a byword and a sneer, for laughter riz up round 'em
and sneers follered 'em as they swep' onwards. As they come nigh me I
riz up almost wildly and ketched holt of my pardner and sez I:

"Desist! Josiah Allen, stop to once!"

The aged female looked at me in surprise and feeble remonstrance, and
sez she:

"Can it be that you're jealous?"

[Illustration: _"As they come nigh me I riz up almost wildly and
ketched holt of my pardner and sez I: 'Desist! Josiah
Allen, stop to once!' The aged female looked at me in
surprise." (See page 131)_]

Even in that awful moment my powers of deep reasonin' didn't desert me
and I said:

"If I wuz goin' to be jealous I wouldn't be of a animated mummy, or
livin' skeleton!" And to my companion I sez, "Josiah Allen, if you
don't set down here by me, I will part with you to once before the
first Square or Justice I can ketch!"

He see determination on my eye-brow, and as they wuz in the extreme
rear of the line, and it didn't break up nothin', I ketched the
lantern out of his hand and blowed it out, and put it under his chair
as he sot down in it. And then to her I sez with a almost frozen
politeness:

"I'd advise you, mom, to soak your feet and go to bed."

She vanished. But to my pardner my voice lost that icy coldness and
become het up with indignation, and I sez, "What tempted you, Josiah
Allen, to make a perfect fool of yourself--a show for hollow
worldlings to sneer at!"

"Fool!" sez he in bitter axents, "you call me that when I wuz strictly
actin' out what you've always ordered me to do. You've always told me
to be good to females, to put myself out and make a martyr of myself
if necessary for their good. But it is the last time!" sez he
bitterly, "the very last time I will ever have anything to do with
your sect in any way, shape or manner. I get no thanks from you for
anything I do, and the worm may jest as well turn first as last."

"Do you pretend to say, Josiah, that you did this to please me?"

"Yes mom, I do! I did it to please you, and to take that woman's part.
You hearn her say she wanted to dance, bu