urglar, with
all the attachments and noiseless treadle. That's what I am, and no
mistake. There's all kinds of businesses in this world, and there's got
to be people to work at every one of 'em; and when a fellow takes any
particular line, his business is to do it well; that's my motto. When I
break into a house I make it a point to clean it out first-class, and
not to carry away no trash, nuther. Of course, I've had my ups and my
downs, like other people,--preachers and doctors and storekeepers,--they
all have them, and I guess the downs are more amusin' than the ups, at
least to outsiders. I've just happened to think of one of them, and I'll
let you have it.

"There was a man I knew named Jerry Hammond, that was a contractor, and
sometimes he had pretty big jobs on hand, buildin' or road-makin' or
somethin' or other. He'd contract to do anything, would Jerry, no matter
whether he'd ever done it before or not. I got to know his times and
seasons for collecting money, and I laid for him."

"Abominable meanness!" exclaimed my wife.

"It's all business," said the stout man, quite unabashed. "You don't
catch a doctor refusin' to practise on a friend, or a lawyer, nuther,
and in our line of business it's the same thing. It was about the end of
October, nigh four years ago, that I found out that Jerry had a lot of
money on hand. He'd been collectin' it from different parties, and had
got home too late in the day to put it in the bank, so says I to myself,
this is your time, old fellow, and you'd better make hay while the sun
shines. I was a little afraid to crack Jerry's house by myself, for he's
a strong old fellow, so I got a man named Putty Henderson to go along
with me. Putty was a big fellow and very handy with a jimmy; but he was
awful contrary-minded, and he wouldn't agree to clean out Jerry until I
promised to go halves with him. This wasn't fair, for it wasn't his job,
and a quarter would have been lots for him.

"But there wasn't no use arguin', and along we went, and about one
o'clock we was standin' alongside Jerry's bed, where he was fast asleep.
He was a bachelor, and lived pretty much by himself. I give him a punch
to waken him up, for we'd made up our minds that that was the way to
work this job. It wouldn't pay us to go around huntin' for Jerry's
money. He was such a sharp old fellow, it was six to four we'd never
find it. He sat up in bed with a jump like a hop-toad, and looked first
at one and then at