on increasing in the
number and magnitude of his lies, in proportion as we applauded them. A
short-hand writer ought to have been there, for no human memory could do
justice to this modern Munchausen. "Talking of the water of the Nile,"
said he, "I remember when I was first lieutenant of the _Bellerophon_, I
went into Minorca with only six tons of water, and in four hours we had
three hundred and fifty tons on board, all stowed away. I made all
hands work. The admiral himself was up to the neck in water, with the
rest of them. `Damn it, admiral,' says I, `no skulking.' Well, we
sailed the next day; and such a gale of wind I never saw in all my
life--away went all our masts, and we had nearly been swamped with the
weather-roll. One of the boats was blown off the booms, and went clean
out of sight before it touched the water. You may laugh at that, but
that was nothing to the _Swallow_ sloop of war. She was in company with
us; she wanted to scud for it, but by Jupiter, she was blown two miles
up the country--guns, men, and all; and the next morning they found her
flying jib-boom had gone through the church window, and slap into the
cheek of the picture of the Virgin Mary. The natives all swore it was
done on purpose by damned heretics. The captain was forced to arm his
men, and march them all down to the beach, giving the ship up to the
people, who were so exasperated that they set her on fire, and never
thought of the powder which was on board. All the priests were in their
robes, singing some stuff or another, to purify the church; but that was
so much time thrown away, for in one moment away went church, priests,
pictures, and people, all to the devil together."

Here he indulged himself in some vile language and scurrilous abuse of
religion and its ministers. All priests were hypocritical scoundrels.
If he was to be of any religion at all, he said, he should prefer being
a Roman Catholic, "because, then, you know," added he, "a man may sin as
much as he likes, and rub off as he goes for a few shillings. I got my
commission by religion, damn me, I found my old admiral was a
psalm-singer; so, says I, `my old boy, I'll give you enough of that;' so
I made the boatswain stuff me a hassock, and this I carried with me
everywhere, that I might save my trousers and not hurt my knees; so then
I turned to and prayed all day long, and kept the people awake singing
psalms all night. I knelt down and prayed on the qua