feel otherwise than I
did, without possessing an angelic disposition, to which I never
pretended; and I fairly own that I did shed not one-fiftieth part so
many tears over Tom's grave as I did over his dirty pantaloons, when
forced to put them on.

As for my sisters I knew little about them, and cared less; we met
during the holidays, and separated, without regret, after a month's
quarrelling. When I went to sea, I ceased to think about them,
concluding there was no love lost; but when I found that death had for
ever robbed me of two of them, I felt the irretrievable loss. I
reproached myself with my coldness and neglect; and the affection I had
denied to them, I heaped threefold on my remaining sister: even before I
had ever seen her on my return, the tide of fraternal love flowed toward
her with an uncontrollable violence. All that I ought to have felt
towards the others, was concentrated in her, and displayed itself with a
force which surprised even myself.

Perhaps the reader may be astonished that my first inquiry in London,
when I had seen my father and my family, should not have been after poor
Eugenia, whom I had left, and who also had quitted me, under such very
peculiar and interesting circumstances. I cannot, however, claim much
credit for having performed this duty. I did go, without loss of time,
to her agent; and all that my most urgent entreaty could obtain from him
was, that she was well; that I still had credit at his house for any sum
I chose to draw for in moderation; but that her place of abode must,
till further orders from her, remain a secret.

As my father did not want interest, and my claims were backed by good
certificates, I received my commission as a lieutenant in His Majesty's
navy about a fortnight after my arrival in London; but not being
appointed to any ship, I resolved to enjoy the "_otium cum dig._" and
endeavour to make myself some amends for the hard campaign I had so
lately completed in North America. I felt the transport of being a
something: at least, I could live independent of my father, let the
worst come to the worst; and I shall ever think this step gave me more
real pleasure than either of the two subsequent ones which I have lived
to attain. No sooner, therefore, had I taken up my commission, than my
thoughts turned on my Emily; and two days after the attainment of my
rank, I mentioned to my father my intention of paying a visit to
--- Hall.

He was at the time