ew by sycophantic magistrates, while the
matrimonial infelicities of the less well-to-do are spread broad on the
records. The still continuing scandals of partitioning refereeships
among the family relatives of judges will soon be stopped and the shame
and scandal of damage suits or of libel suits, without cause, maintained
by procured and false testimony and conducted on sheer speculation, will
be brought to an end. The law is full of rare crockery, but it is also
replete with crockery that ought to be smashed. Much bad crockery in it
has been smashed and much more will be, if necessary, by the press,
which is itself not without considerable ceramic material that could be
pulverized with signal benefit to the public and to the fourth estate.

But why am I talking about smashed crockery when I am told that it is
the very life of your trade? Were crockery imperishable this would be
the last dinner of your association. Your members would be eating cold
victuals at area doors, passed to you on the plates you have made, by
the domestics whose free and easy carelessness is really the foundation
of your fortunes. You want crockery to be smashed, because the more
smash the more crockery and the more crockery the more output, and the
more output the more revenue, and the more revenue the more Waldorf
dinners, and the more Waldorf dinners the more opportunity for you to
make the men of other callings stand and deliver those speeches, which I
like to hear, and in the hope of hearing which I now give way.

* * * * *

TRIBUTE TO MARK TWAIN

[Speech of St. Clair McKelway at a dinner given in honor of Samuel L.
Clemens [Mark Twain] by the Lotos Club, New York City, November 2,
1900. The President of the Lotos, Frank R. Lawrence, introduced Dr.
McKelway as the man whose wondrous use of adjectives has converted to
his opinion many doubters throughout this city and country.]

MR. PRESIDENT AND FRIENDS:--Years ago we here sought to hold up
Mark Twain's hands. Now we all feel like holding up our own, in
congratulation of him and of ourselves. Of him because his warfare is
accomplished. Of ourselves because he has returned to our company. If it
was a pleasure to know him then, it is a privilege and an honor to know
him now. He has fought the good fight. He has kept the faith. He is
ready to be offered up, but we are not ready to have him offered up. For
we want the Indian summer of his life