eph C.
Hendrix to speak. Doubtless he may draw from that subject lessons that
will be of interest and of use for the present day."]

MR. PRESIDENT AND GENTLEMEN OF THE NEW ENGLAND SOCIETY:--While
your poetic souls are attuned to the sweet music of the last speech, I
must chide the Fates which compel me to so suddenly precipitate upon you
a discussion of a practical nature, especially when at the very outset I
must begin to talk about clams. [Laughter.] For when we begin to
consider wampum we have to begin to consider the familiar hard-shell
clam of daily use, which was the basis of wampum. At this stage of the
feast, after the confections contained in that eulogium passed upon you
by the Governor of Massachusetts [Frederick T. Greenhalge], and after
that private parlor-car, canvas-back-duck, cold-champagne view of
consolidation taken by the great trunk-line president [Chauncey M.
Depew] [laughter], can you endure anything savoring of the clam? Would
you not prefer to go home and sleep upon what you already have? Yet
every loyal son of Long Island ought to be partial to clams. The Mayor
[Charles A. Schieren], who typifies what a German head can do in a
contest with an Irish appetite, should love them because they reside
within the city limits, and have ceased to vote in Gravesend. You, Mr.
Chairman, as a lawyer, ought to tolerate the clam, for there are two
sides to the case, and there's meat inside. Our friend the preacher
[Rev. Samuel A. Eliot] knows that they are as good every day in the week
as they are on Sunday. Dr. Johnson [Dr. J. G. Johnson] there favors them
as part of his internal revenue system. The Mugwumps cannot object to
them, because they change from side to side so easily. The Democrats
ought to like anything that is always digging a hole for itself, and the
Republicans cannot but be patient with what comes on top at the change
of the tide. [Laughter.] So, gentlemen, I present to you the clam.
Professor Hooper [Franklin W. Hooper] tells me to call it the _Venus
Mercenaria_, but we shall have to wait for our free public library
before venturing so far.

You remember, when you were children, looking over the old story-book
handed down to you by the Puritan fathers, that one of the conundrums
with which the gayety of their times was illustrated was, "Who was the
shortest man in the Bible?" The answer was, "Bildad, the Shuhite;" but
now, in the revised text it is Peter, because Peter said: "Silver and