*

AN ODD FELLOW OUT.--The Church-breaking thief (_vide_ the _Standard's_
provincial news) who was arrested at Oswestry (fitting that a
Church-thief should have been arrested by Os-Westry-men--which sounds
like a body of mounted ecclesiastical police), explained that he was
a "monumental mason of Dublin." Perhaps the Jury will find him
monu-mentally deranged.

* * * * *

HEALTH AND HOPPINESS.

[It is reported that the latest move is for ladies to combine
profit and pleasure by going "hopping."]

Fair Woman longs for novelty,
Her daily task is apt to cloy her,
The pastimes that were wont to be
Diverting now do but annoy her.
The common joys of life are spent
So tired of tennis, shooting, shopping,
She turns in her despair to Kent,
And tries her 'prentice hand at hopping.

Now girls whom you would scarce believe
Would not turn up their nose at soiling
Their dainty hands, to dewy eve
From early morn keep ever toiling.
There's ETHEL of the golden hair
Who flutters through existence gaily
(Her father is a millionnaire),
Hops hard and does her twelve hours daily.

Then pretty MAUD, with laughing eyes,
Who hardly knew what daily wage meant,
To everybody's great surprise
Proceeds to cut this, that engagement.
Amid the vines she daily goes,
And picks till weary fingers tingle,
The sweetest music now she knows
Is hearing hard-earned sovereigns jingle.

This latest move, it's very true,
Appears to be a rather rum thing,
But yet for idle hands to do
We know that Someone will find something.
Will fashionable hopping last?
Well, this it's safe to lay your cash on,
Before another year has passed
There'll be another female fashion.

* * * * *

VIVE LA RAIN DU BALLET A L'ALHAMBRA!--"Certainly," says MR. JOHN
HOLLINGSHEAD, "Ve've la rain. It comes pouring down on the stage, and
the people come pouring in to see it. I suppose," says he, "they'll
now call me 'The Wetter'un?" The ballet is very effective, not a drop
too much, and "not a drop in the business" in front of the house,
though there is, as is evident, on the stage. If Manager JOHN liked
to quote SHAKSPEARE with a difference, in his advertisements, he might
say, "With a hey, ho, the Wind and the Rain! For the Rain it raineth
every night!" For some time to come this show will be the raining