hen you
hate the writer, but must not offend the gentleman whose name appears
as the distributor, and (3), when you know nothing of the volume
and its producer, but suspect that the Author reviews for another
periodical, and that you may possibly get an order from his literary
introducer.

6. What are the duties of a Musical Critic? Show how it is feasible to
write a most scientific notice without being able to distinguish the
National Anthem, MASCAGNI's "_Intermezzo_," or "_The Wedding March_,"
from "_The Slue Bells of Scotland_."

7. Distinguish the difference between "Our Own Commissioner" and "Our
Own Correspondent," and "Our Special Reporter" and "An Occasional
Contributor." Give the rates of remuneration (if any) attaching to
each office.

8. What is "City Intelligence?" Is it affected by the rise and fall
of the advertisement columns? State the difference between "News
Specially Communicated" and a puff paragraph.

9. Give the statistics (if you are able) of the number of aspirants to
Journalism who have risen and fallen. Show that a small certainty in
the City is better than an occasional ten-pound note earned in Fleet
Street.

10. Write an essay upon the subject that Journalism is better as a
stick than a crutch, and show that it is useless to take up your pen
if you have not already provided (from other sources) for the payment
of your butcher's book.

* * * * *

TO FOOTBALL.

Farewell to thee, Cricket,
Thy last match is o'er;
Thy bat, ball, and wicket,
Are needed no more.
To thy sister we turn,
For her coming we pray:
Her worshippers burn
For the heat of the fray.

Hail! Goddess of battle,
Yet hated of Ma(r)s,
How ceaseless their tattle
Of tumbles and scars!
Such warnings are vain,
For thy rites we prepare,
Youth is yearning again
In thy perils to share.

Broken limbs and black eyes,
May, perchance, be our lot;
But grant goals and ties
And we care not a jot.
Too sacred to name
With thy posts, ball, and field,
There is no winter game
To which thou canst yield.

* * * * *

NEW TRANSLATION--"VERY CHOICE ITALIAN,"--"_Sotto voce_;" i.e., in a
drunken tone of voice.

* * * * *

AN EN-NOBBLING SPECTACLE!

_BEING SOME ACCOUNT OF THE PRODIGAL DAUGHTER OF DRURY LANE._

CHAPTER I.--_THE TEA-URN OF THE HUNTER._

SIR JOHN