UGENIA?"

_Miss Eugenia_. "OH YES, INDEED!--AND I'M DEVOTED TO GRANDMAMMA!"]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

[Illustration: Lord Elcho.]

_House of Commons, Monday, February 29._--Mr. G. looked in to-night
from the Riviera; greeted with rousing cheer from Opposition; didn't
expect to see him to-day; just arrived from Mediterranean _via_ Paris;
most men in such circumstances would have gone straight home, read
their letters, had quiet dinner, "and so to bed," as the late Mr.
PEPYS occasionally remarked.

"That's all very well for you elderly fellows, TOBY," said Mr.
G., beaming with health and smiles. "ARMITSTEAD, for example, went
straight off home. I was careful to see about that; he's a fine
fellow, and I humoured him by letting him suppose he was looking after
me as far as Biarritz, and on to Pau. In no other way could I have
got him to make a holiday. Think I rather wore him out at St. Raphael.
When a man gets over sixty he doesn't care about his ten or fifteen
mile walk before luncheon. However, I brought ARMITSTEAD back all
right, and, packing him off home at Charing Cross, just popped in here
to see how you are getting on."

In respect of business, not getting on at all. Things going awry.
Ministerialists won't come up to scratch in Division Lobby; Majority
that used to flash forth a hundred-candlelight strong, now flickered
down to a score. Opposition growing jubilant and aggressive; Irish
Members, long quiescent, waking up as of yore. To-night Prince ARTHUR,
stung to quick by remarks from JOHN DILLON, made rattling speech
defending his Irish policy; poured contumely and scorn on heads of
Irish Members.

"You," he said, with gesture of passionate scorn, "see no source of
regeneration for Ireland but in refusal of tenants to pay their rent."

Lord ELCHO and other young bloods on Ministerial Bench cheered; old
stagers looked grave.

"Ah, ah!" said CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, looking on from the Front
Opposition Bench, "I spy the beard of the Irish Secretary under the
muffler of the Leader of the House."

"Dear me," said ESSLEMONT, who overheard the remark; "I don't remember
BALFOUR with a beard when he was at the Irish Office. You're not
mixing him up with GRANDOLPH?"

"Get thee to a nunnery, worthy draper," said CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, "and
in that leisurely retirement read your SHAKSPEARE."

"A nunnery!" cried ESSLEMONT, more than