integrity."

"That doesn't matter, and, anyway, you're quite a dear."

I bowed gravely. "I try to look at things from a high standpoint," I
continued. "Now, Diana, I consider you are perfect. I love you intensely
because you are so perfect."

"Don't be silly, dear."

"I mean it. On the other hand, I know myself very well indeed."

"You think so."

"I do. And I have come to the conclusion, after many racking hours, that
I am not worthy of you. The proper course, the only course, is for me to
release you." And I sighed heavily.

"Well," said Diana, "of course it's a very pretty idea, and I'm glad
you're so fond of me, but the whole thing's absurd. I've accepted you
and there's an end of it."

"Diana, you're making it very hard."

"I'm making it impossible."

"No," I declared, "because--I release you now."

Diana fingered her handkerchief. "D--Dick, I refuse to be released. It's
too silly for w--words. Come over here."

With a great effort I didn't get up; instead I gazed at the ceiling.

"Diana," I said, "I'm disappointed in you. I'm trying to do the right
thing, the noble thing, and you mustn't stand in my way. You've no right
to stand in my----"

"Anyhow, I'm going to."

"You know," I said, "this puts me in a very awkward position--very
awkward. Diana, you must see my point of view."

"I can't."

"You mean you won't. I had expected more of you."

Diana smiled. "I thought you considered me perfect."

"I did."

"Well, you see, dear, I'm not."

I sighed. "I'm afraid not," I said. "I fear not."

Suddenly I sat up. "Good Lord!" I exclaimed. "Hooray!"

"What is it?"

"Don't you see? This puts matters on an entirely different footing.
Darling, you don't want me to do the right thing, therefore you're not
perfect."

"No; that's settled."

"Well then, you don't deserve a perfect husband."

"I don't want one."

"That's not the point. You don't deserve one."

"No," said Diana.

"Then that's all right," I said; "because you won't get one." And I cut
myself a large slice of cake.

* * * * *

[_Chairman (at Friendly Lead, proposing toast of the performers)._ "All
the hartists have give their services free, and I think you'll agree
with me, gentlemen, that the labourers are worthy of their hire."]

* * * * *

THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL.

["It is impossible for me to dine out either in private or in
public without having th