been granted total exemption. The pen, it
seems, is still mightier than the sword.

***

Some slight irritation has been caused by the announcement of Sir ALFRED
KEOGH that Naval men engaged on the home service cannot be supplied with
false teeth at the expense of the Government. Nevertheless we may rest
assured that, come what may, these gallant fellows will uphold the
traditions of the Navy and stick to their gums.

***

For many days past the condition of our streets has been really
lamentable owing to the fact that so many of our crossing-sweepers are
serving with the colours; and a painful report is going about that the
Government's object in recognizing the V. T. C. is at last becoming
apparent.

***

A prehistoric elephant has recently been discovered at Chatham and is
now mounted in the British Museum. In palaeontological circles the report
that the monster's death was occasioned by the consumption of too much
seed-cake is regarded as going far to prove that our neolithic ancestors
were not without their sentimental side.

***

[Illustration: _Mistress._ "Well, Jones, I hope we shall get more out of
the garden this year. We had next to nothing last year."

Jones. "Ay--'twere they plaguey pheasants 'ad most on it last year."

_Mistress._ "If you ask me, I should say it was _two-legged_
pheasants!"]

***

From a Parliamentary report: "In his reply Mr. Asquith stated that the
'Peace Book' which was being prepared to meet problems which would arise
after the War corresponded with the 'War Book' which was compiled years
ago in anticipation of the War." This ought to put heart into the enemy.

***

The Court of Appeal has decided that infants are liable to pay income
tax. It is reported that Sir JOHN SIMON is preparing a stinging
remonstrance.

***

The Turkish New Year has been officially postponed so as to begin on
March 14th, instead of on March 1st, as before. This simple but
satisfactory method of prolonging the existence of a moribund empire has
proved so successful that ENVER PASHA and a number of other Young Turks
have indefinitely postponed their next birthdays.

***

Up to the moment of writing there has been no confirmation of the report
that Turkey has given her consent to the making of a separate peace by
Germany on account of the economic exhaustion of the latter country.

* * * * *

Extrac