earning thousands and thousands. Why
do they endure it? Because lawyers, contrary to the common belief, are the
most long-suffering profession in the world. That is why they are the only
Trade Union whose members have only half-an-hour for lunch. Well, it is
their funeral; but if I were a K.C. sitting in that pen, with the whole of
the House of Lords empty in front of me, I should get over the counter and
walk about. Then the LORD CHANCELLOR might have a fit; and that alone would
make it worth while.

The only other interesting place in the Houses of Parliament is the
Strangers' Dining Room. This is interesting because the Members there are
all terrified lest you should hear what they are going to say. They never
know who may be at the next table--a journalist or a Bolshevist or a
landowner--and they talk with one eye permanently over their shoulder. It
must be very painful.

But of course the best time to visit the House is when it is not sitting,
because then, if you are lucky, you may sit with impunity on the Front
Bench and put your feet up on the table. If you are unlucky you will be
shot at dawn.

A. P. H.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Excitable Tenor_ (_during dispute about the bill_). "BUT,
MY FRIEND, YOU NOT KNOW ME WHO I AM--NO? I AM SPOFFERINO. TO-NIGHT I SING
AT ZE OPERA--'BUTTERFLY.'"

_Waiter_ (_unimpressed_). "UM--YOU _LOOK_ LIKE A BUTTERFLY!"]

* * * * *

"----'S BOOTS
HAVE BEEN
IN EVERYBODY'S MOUTH."

_Advt. in Local Paper._

We fear the advertiser has put his foot in it.

* * * * *

LABOUR AND THE RUSSIAN BALLET.

I wasn't present at the station when Madame PAVLOVA arrived in London,
bringing with her, as I have been assured by six different newspapers, no
fewer than three hundred and eighty-five pieces of luggage. But I have
seen, thanks to Sir J. M. BARRIE, the transformation which a Russian _prima
ballerina_ makes in an English country home, so I happen to know exactly
what occurred. I think it deserves to be recorded. Very well then.

SCENE--_A Metropolitan railway terminus, though you wouldn't perhaps
recognise it, because it looks a little like the interior of a Greek
cathedral and a little like the fair at Nijni Novgorod, and the
posters have obviously been painted by_ Mr. WYNDHAM LEWIS _or somebody
like that. One porter is discovere