each. Like one?"

"But it's _mine_!" I protested.

"On the contrary, it's _mine_; Angela gave it to me. If you care to buy all
the tickets--?"

"How much?" I growled.

"Four pounds."

"But--but that's twice as much as I paid for it originally!"

"I know," said Etta sweetly, "but prices have risen terribly owing to the
War."

* * * * *

I found Edward outside leaning on his jaded velocipede. He was wearing the
"Limit."

"Hello," said he, "got what you wanted?"

"Yes," said I, "and so, I observe, did you. How much did _you_ have to
pay?"

"Nothing," said he triumphantly; "Etta took my new mackintosh in exchange,"
he chuckled. "I think we rather scored off Angela this time, don't you?"

"Yes," said I--"ye-es."

PATLANDER.

* * * * *

[Illustration: PORTRAIT OF A GENTLEMAN IN PROCESS OF DECIDING THAT THE HIRE
OF A CAR TO TAKE HIM TO HIS FANCY-DRESS REVEL WOULD HAVE BEEN WELL WORTH
THE EXPENSE.]

* * * * *

From an invitation to a subscription-ball:--

"Hoping that you will endeavour to make this, our first dance, a
bumping success...."

As the Latin gentleman might have said, _Nemo repente fuit Terpsichore_.

* * * * *

"_Two pigs off their feet had hard work to get to food trough, but
K---- Pig Powders soon put them right._"--_Local Paper._

Set them on their feet again, we conclude.

* * * * *

"Respectable reserved lady (25), of ability, wishes to meet respectable
keen Business Gentleman, honourable and reserved."--_Advt. in Irish
Paper._

Obviously reserved for one another.

* * * * *

"A big re-union of all returned men and their dependents is to be held
at the Board of Trade building on New Year's day.... A year ago the
affair was a hug success and the ladies hope for an even better record
this year."--_Manitoba Free Press._

Manitoba is so embracing.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Small Boy_ (_indicating highly-powdered lady_). "MUMMY, MAY
I WRITE 'DUST' ON THAT LADY'S BACK?"]

* * * * *

TO MY BUTTER RATION

(_On hearing that the stuff is shortly to be decontrolled_).

Thou whom, when Saturday's expiring sun
Informs me that another day is done
And summons fire from the reflecting