hampionship. There is however a deadlock over
details. T'gumbu's manager is adamant that the match shall take place in
his nominee's native village of Mpm, but Mr. Hawkins objects, seeing little
chance of escaping alive after the victory of which he is so confident. He
says he would "feel more safer like on 'Ampstead 'Eaf." Another difficulty
is that Mr. Hawkins insists on wearing his _fiancee's_ headgear while
competing, and this is regarded by T'gumbu as savouring of witchcraft. Mr.
Hawkins generously offers his opponent permission to wear any article of
his wives' clothing; but the coloured candidate quite reasonably retorts
that this concession is practically valueless. On one point fortunately
there is unaniminity: both parties are firm that all bad nuts must be
replaced.

* * * * *

ANOTHER ASIAN MYSTERY.

"OLD AND RARE PAINTINGS. Exquisite works of old Indian art. Mytholo-Roast
Beef or Pork: Bindaloo Sausages gical, Historical, Mediaeval."--_Englishman_
(_Calcutta_).

* * * * *

"Two capable young gentlemen desire Posts in good families as
Companions, ladies or children; mending, hairdressing, decorations;
willing to travel; in or near London."--_Daily Paper._

What did _they_ do in the Great War?

* * * * *

"One of the exquisite features was the presence of the Deacon's wives.
We had 83 upon our Roll of Honour, and of these 36 turned up."--_Parish
Magazine._

The other forty-seven being presumably engaged in looking after the Deacon.

* * * * *

"In addition to the fine work done by the Irish regiments he assured
them that many a warm Irish heart beat under a Scottish kilt."--_Local
Paper._

Surely Irishmen enlisted in Scottish regiments are not so down-hearted as
all that!

* * * * *

THE TALE OF THE TUNEFUL TUB.

["Why do so many people sing in the bathroom?... The note is struck for
them by the running water. While the voice sounds resonantly in the
bath-room it is not half so fine and inspiring when the song is
continued in the dressing-room. The reason is that the furniture of the
dressing-room tends to deaden the reverberations."--_Prof. W.H. BRAGG
on "The World of Sound."_]

When to my morning tub I go,
With towel, dressing-gown and soap,
Then most, the while I pu