Sorry I must go
now. Good day."

Now I felt I was on the right track. I practised the thing a few times
before a glass, paying special attention to the far-away poetical look
which Jorkins wore during the operation.

At the tea-shop the man behind the counter willingly showed me numbers of
teas. I snatched a handful of that which he specially recommended and began
the ceremony. I took a little into the palm of my left-hand and gazed at it
earnestly; I rubbed it lightly with my fingers; I picked up a strand and
bit through the leaf slowly with the front teeth. Just after biting I
passed the tongue behind the front teeth and along the palate, completing
the act of deglutition.

So far as I could judge it was very good tea, but it would never do to
accept the first sample offered; I must let the shopman see that he was up
against one of the mandarins of the trade. So I said with severity, "Please
don't show me any more common stuff; I want the best you have."

The man looked at me curiously and I saw his face twitching; he was
evidently about to speak.

"Kindly refrain from expostulating," I went on; "content yourself with
showing me your finest blend."

He went away to the back of the shop, muttering; clearly he recognised
defeat, for when he returned he carried a small chest.

"Try this," said he, and I knew that he was boiling with baffled rage.

I took a handful and once more went through the whole ceremony. It was
nauseating, but the man was obviously impressed. At the conclusion of my
performance I assumed a look of satisfaction. "Give me five pounds of
that," said I with the air of a conqueror.

Next time I met Rottenbury I told him of my success.

"Oh, Jorkins put you up to the trick, did he?"

"He did. He taught me to titillate, to triturate, to masticate, to
deglute--everything."

"And with what result?"

"With the result that I have in my possession five pounds of the finest tea
that the greatest experts have blended from the combined products of Assam
and China."

"Tea?" he asked.

"Yes, tea of course. You didn't suppose that I was talking of oysters?"

"Did I tell you Jorkins was a tea-taster?"

"Yes."

"Well, then, he's not. He's in tobacco."

* * * * *

"Alured," said my wife, "I wish you wouldn't buy things for the house. That
tea is low-grade sweepings."

* * * * *

[Illustration: LE GRAND PENSEUR.

(_With apologi