eat a daintier kind of grub than quarter-blokes provide,
To rise o' mornings when you wish and when you wish turn in,
To shirk a shave and never hear the truth about your chin;

And not to have to pad the hoof through blazing sun or rain,
Intent on getting nowhere and foot-slogging back again,
To realise no N.C.O. has any more the right
To rob you of your beauty-sleep with "Guard to-morrow night!"

All this is great, of course it is, yet here we are once more
Obeying sergeants just for fun and cheerier than before;
We haven't any good excuse, we've got no war to win--
But nothing's touched the kit-bag yet for packing troubles in.

W.K.H.

* * * * *

A TASTE OF AUTHORITY.

I have often wished I were an expert at something. How I envy the man who,
before ordering a suit of clothes from his tailor, seizes the proffered
sample of cloth and tugs at it in a knowledgable manner, smells it at close
quarters with deep inhalations and finally, if he is very brave, pulls out
a thread and ignites it with a match. Whereupon the tailor, abashed and
discomfited, produces for the lucky expert from the interior of his
premises that choice bale of pre-war quality which he was keeping for his
own use.

I confided this yearning of mine to Rottenbury the other evening.
Rottenbury is a man of the world and might, I thought, be able to help me.

"My dear fellow," he said, "in these days of specialisation one has to be
brought up in the business to be an expert in anything, whether cloth or
canaries or bathroom tiling. Knowledge of this kind is not gained in a
moment."

"Can you help me?" I asked.

"As regards tea, I can," he replied. "Jorkins over there is in the tea
business. If you like I'll get him to put you up to the tricks of
tea-tasting."

"I should be awfully glad if you would," said I. "We never get any decent
tea at home."

Jorkins appeared to be a man of direct and efficient character. I saw
Rottenbury speak to him and the next moment he was at my elbow.

"Watch me carefully," said Jorkins, "and listen to what I say. Take a
little leaf into the palm of your left hand. Rub it lightly with the
fingers and gaze earnestly thus. Apply your nose and snuff up strongly.
Pick out a strand and bite through the leaf slowly with the front teeth,
thus. Just after biting pass the tip of the tongue behind the front teeth
and along the palate, completing the act of deglutition.