y would, 'cause it's agin the Constitution--and they stand on the
Constitution a durned sight solider nor we do. Didn't thar big
gun--Daniel Webster--didn't he make mince-meat o' South-Carolina Hayne
on that ar subject? But I tell you they han't a mind to meddle with our
niggers; they're a goin' ter let us go ter h--l our own way--and we're
goin' thar mighty fast, or I hevn't read the last census.'

'P'r'aps you han't heerd on th' Ab'lisheners, Andy?' cried a voice from
among the audience.

'Wal, I reckon I hev,' responded the orator. 'I've heerd on 'em, and
seed 'em, too. When I was North I went ter one on thar conventions, and
I'll tell you how they look. They've all long, wimmin's hair, and thin,
shet lips, with big, bawlin' mouths, and long, lean, tommerhawk
faces--'bout as white as vargin dip--and they all talk through the nose,
[giving a specimen,] and they look for all the world jest like the
South-Car'lina fire-eaters--and they _are_ as near like 'em as two peas,
excep' they don't swar quite so bad, but they make up for that in
prayin'--and prayin' too much, I reckon, when a man's a d--d hippercrit,
is 'bout as bad as swearin'. But I tell you, the decent folks up North
han't ab'lisheners. They look on 'em jest as we do on mad dogs, the
itch, or the nigger-traders.

'Now, 'bout this secession bis'ness--though tan't no use ter talk on
thet, 'cause this State never'll secede--South-Car'lina has done it, and
I'm raather glad she has, for though I was born thar, I say she orter
hev gone to h--l long ago, and now she's got thar--_let her stay!_ But,
'bout thet bis'ness, I'll tell you a story.

'I know'd an old gentleman once by the name o' Uncle Sam, and he'd a
heap o' sons. They war all likely boys--and strange ter tell, though
they'd all the same mother, and she a white woman, 'bout half on 'em war
colored--not black, but sorter half-and-half. Now, the white sons war
well-behaved, industrious, hard-workin' boys, who got 'long well,
edicated that children, and allers treated the old man decently; but the
mulatter fellers war a pesky set--though some on 'em war better nor
others. They wouldn't work, but set up for airystocrocy--rode in
kerriges, kept fast hosses, bet high, and chawed tobaccer like the
devil. Wal, the result was, _they_ got out at the elbows, and 'cause
they warn't gettin' 'long quite so fast as the white 'uns--though that
war all thar own fault--they got jealous, and one, on 'em, who was
blacker n