g of the word
SELFISH used by Sir Charles in the conclusion of the library conference
at Colnebrook, (and which puzzled me then to make out,) by his
disclaiming of selfishness in the conversation with the countess above
recited? If I may, what an opening of his heart does that word give in
my favour, were he at liberty? Does it not look, my dear, as if his
honour checked him, when his love would have prompted him to wish me to
preserve my heart disengaged till his return from abroad? Nor let it be
said, that it was dishonourable in him to have such a thought, as it was
checked and overcome; and as it was succeeded by such an emotion, that he
was obliged to depart abruptly from me.--Let me repeat the words--You may
not have my letter at hand which relates that affecting address to me;
and it is impossible for me, while I have memory, to forget them. He had
just concluded his brief history of Clementina--'And now, madam, what can
I say?--Honour forbids me!--Yet honour bids me--Yet I cannot be unjust,
ungenerous, selfish!'--If I may flatter myself, Lucy, that he did love me
when he said this, and that he had a conflict in his noble heart between
the love on one side so hopeless, (for I could not forgive him, if he did
not love, as well as pity, Clementina,) and on the other not so hopeless,
were there to have been no bar between--Shall we not pity him for the
arduous struggle? Shall we not see that honour carried it, even in
favour of the hopeless against the hopeful, and applaud him the more for
being able to overcome? How shall we call virtue by its name, if it be
not tried; and if it hath no contest with inclination?

If I am a vain self-flatterer, tell me, chide me, Lucy; but allow me,
however, at the same time, this praise, if I can make good my claim to
it, that my conquest of my passion is at least as glorious for me, as his
is for him, were he to love me ever so well; since I can most sincerely,
however painfully, subscribe to the preference which honour, love,
compassion, unitedly, give to CLEMENTINA.

LETTER XXX

MISS BYRON.--IN CONTINUATION
MONDAY NIGHT.

My cousins and I, by invitation, supped with Lady G---- this evening.
Lord and Lady L---- were there; Lady Olivia also, and Lady Maffei.

I have set them all into a consternation, as they expressed themselves,
by my declaration of leaving London on my return home early on Friday
morning next. I knew, that were I to pass the whole summer here, I must