ing its tears with the baby-talk of all nations. I
told him he was fraternising abominably and was not being a true Hun.

"Well," he said, "you can't leave a child yelling in a puddle, can
you?"

And, damn it, you can't, so what's the use of trying to be hunnish?

L.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Restaurant Commissionaire (to departing client, who is
searching for a tip)_. "NOW THEN, SIR, HURRY UP; DON'T KEEP ME WAITING
HERE ALL NIGHT."]

* * * * *

RAPID PROMOTION.

From a Parliamentary report:--

"Colonel Seely mentioned ... Major-General Seely said ... General
Seely, replying ..."--_Daily Chronicle_.

* * * * *

"The canonical proceedings for the beatification of Pope Pius IX.
and Christopher Columbus have been definitely abandoned. As the
result of a very close investigation, it was decided that these
two candidates lacked certain necessary qualifications; Pius IX.
had signed death sentences and Christopher Columbus was held
responsible for massacres."--_Sunday Paper_.

This news, we understand, has caused a painful impression at
Amerongen.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Cook (allowing herself to be engaged)_. "ONE MORE
QUESTION, M'LADY. CAN _YOU_ COOK?"

_Her Ladyship_. "REALLY, I DON'T THINK THAT NEED MATTER."

_Cook_. "OH--DON'T IT? I WANT TO KNOW WHO'S GOING TO BE THE REAL
MISTRESS."]

* * * * *

THE GREAT COLD-CURE DEBATE.

In view of the prevalence of colds and the varying counsels given to
their patients by our leading so-called healers, a mass meeting of
doctors and public men was recently convened, with the hope that some
useful results might follow.

None did.

The Chairman in his opening remarks said that colds were at once
the commonest complaints to which human beings were subject and the
least understood by the faculty. It was scandalous that so little
serious attention should be paid to them by physicians. A scientific
investigator should be as proud of discovering a preventive for colds
as a scheme of wireless telegraphy. But it was not so. Researchers
were applauded for compounding new and more deadly explosives and
poisonous gas, while the whole mystery of colds remained unplumbed.
The situation was scandalous. (Loud sneezes.)

Letters were read, among others, from Lord NORTHCLIFFE, Mr. SN