t think of entering all at once, after the distance I had kept him at
for several days, into the freedom of conversation which the utter
rejection I have met with from my relations, as well as your advice, has
made necessary.

He sent up to tell me, that as he heard I was fasting, if I would promise
to eat some chicken which Mrs. Sinclair had ordered for supper, he would
acquiesce.--Very kind in his anger! Is he not?

I promised that I would. Can I be more preparatively condescending?--How
happy, I'll warrant, if I may meet him in a kind and forgiving humour!

I hate myself! But I won't be insulted. Indeed I won't, for all this.

LETTER XXXI

MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE
TUESDAY, MAY 16.

I think once more we seem to be in a kind of train; but through a storm.
I will give you the particulars.

I heard him in the dining-room at five in the morning. I had rested very
ill, and was up too. But opened not my door till six: when Dorcas
brought me his request for my company.

He approached me, and taking my hand, as I entered the dining-room, I
went not to bed, Madam, till two, said he; yet slept not a wink. For
God's sake, torment me not, as you have done for a week past.

He paused. I was silent.

At first, proceeded he, I thought your resentment of a curiosity, in
which I had been disappointed, could not be deep; and that it would go
off of itself: But, when I found it was to be kept up till you knew the
success of some new overtures which you had made, and which, complied
with, might have deprived me of you for ever, how, Madam, could I support
myself under the thoughts of having, with such an union of interests,
made so little impression upon your mind in my favour?

He paused again. I was still silent. He went on.

I acknowledge that I have a proud heart, Madam. I cannot but hope for
some instances of previous and preferable favour from the lady I am
ambitious to call mine; and that her choice of me should not appear, not
flagrantly appear, directed by the perverseness of her selfish
persecutors, who are my irreconcilable enemies.

More to the same purpose he said. You know, my dear, the room he had
given me to recriminate upon him in twenty instances. I did not spare
him.

Every one of these instances, said I, (after I had enumerated them)
convinces me of your pride indeed, Sir, but not of your merit. I
confess, that I have as much pride as you can have, although I hope it is