fained cerprise, Bays to 'em:

"My good peeple, what's the meanin of this demon-stration?"

"A lot of fellers, who you hired to come and pay you a visit, has got
here. So come down and let us in, old hoss," says a voice.

I went down stairs, with doubts in my mind as to the way the thing would
turn out.

Unboltin the door, the assemblige filed in. A casual glance convinced me
that I was not receivin into the buzzum of my family manshon a
deputashun from the Skeensboro Lodge of Good Templers, for a skalier lot
of whiskey-soked human beins I never sot eyes on.

There was JOB BIGLER, who useter leed the Skeensboro brick meetin house
quire, tryin to pick his teeth with the corner of a pictur-frame, while
standin before the lookin glass was WILLYAM DUNBAR vainly endevorin to
ascertain if he was the Siameese Twins, or else was the lookin-glass a
double-plated one.

Old JIM SPENCER insisted on standin with his cow-hide butes on top the
mahogony senter table, for the purpuss of presentin me with the tea
sarvice, while his son-in-law had no sorter hesitation, whatsomever, of
planten his muddy feet into my wife's work basket, which was settin on a
stool in the sou'-west corner of the front room. Others had piled
theirselfs in heeps, in various parts of the room, presentin a picter
which JOHN B. GOFF could work up to sich an affectin pitch, that tears
could be got out of the eyes of a perfessional grave-digger.

"SQUIRE GREEN, yer (hic!) feller sitisens, wishin to do the square thing
by you, hereby (hic!) take this opportunity of presentin you with this
(hic!) tea sarvice, which you hired down to GRIZ'LES jooliry (hic!)
store, for this momentous occassion. Take it and be 'appy. Now trot out
yer (hic!) benzeen," says SPENCER. At this pint I give the signle, and
the foldin doors was throde quickly open, revealin my 3 gals in a
classic tabloo. I then said:

"Feller Sitizens: When I say I'me hily pleased at this onexpected
cerprise, I but reiterate the pent up feelins of an overflowin heart."--

"Oh, cork up on that ere spoutin, and sound yer supper bell," said JOE
BIGLER, interuptin me. I again went on.

"As I casts my eyes about me, I see the smillen faces of my feller
sitizens, who have been tride and not found _wantin_--"

"That's a lie! We are _wantin_ some vittles, with a little (hic!)
opedildock to wash her down. When you hired us to do this job, you
(hic!) 'greed to fill up," says a voice.

I pertended as how I