place since I was last there and saw the wretched Queen from the
balcony endeavoring to assuage the fierce mob that surged beneath. The
room was not like the room in which I once helped Louis to pull off his
boots, and the delicate perfume that usually pervades the apartments of
French royalty had succumbed to the amalgamated odors of _Schweitzer
Kase_ and _Saur Kraut_.

"It is apparent, sire," said I to WILLIAM, who was sitting there "that
Count BISMARCK has wholly misunderstood the situation in Paris."

"Not a bit of it," said the King; "don't I know well enough they've got
down to two ounces a day for each man, and horse meat at that?

"You forget, sire, their vast supply of asses."

"Do I, indeed? when they've done nothing but develop an unlimited number
of them ever since the war began."

I had an idea then that his majesty must have meant this for sarcasm
though my own experience told me that it was only too true; and it also
occurred to me that I was not in my true station as the representative
of a government of "asses." Nothing but a stern sense of duty prevented
me from clearing out at once under this last harrowing reflection.
Accordingly, I returned to the charge with diminished vigor, assuring
the King that if his army kept on blockading Paris in this cruel sort of
way, the population would soon be dying by thousands. It was very
strange why he wouldn't draw off his troops. What did _he_ want with
Paris? What had Paris done to _him_? Weren't there plenty of other
cities in this world that didn't care a cent how much he bombarded them?
(I began to think that possibly I might be growing childish in my method
of stating the case, but it was only a momentary weakness that made me
think so.) Where was Tyre? Let him go and bombard Tyre. Nobody cares for
Tyre now. Where was Sidon? If he wanted to throw away his ammunition,
let him "go" for Sidon. Where was Tuckahoo, New Jersey? Would New York
care if Tuckahoo was reduced to the level of its original swamp?
Moreover, there were lots of cities away off in China, yearning to have
the rays of modern civilization let into them. Would it be anything out
of his way to travel in that direction with a few big KRUPP guns, and
give civilization a fair opening to get in at? Wasn't it cowardly to be
punching all the time at one poor, miserable little town like Paris,
that ain't big enough to help itself, and wouldn't have done the same by
him no matter if it got ever so ma