[Illustration: "TEA IS SERVED ON EVERY CORNER"]

"They don't," said the Dormouse, rapping his head with his club to keep
from dropping off to sleep. "It ain't for the benefit of their
families--it's for the benefit of the City. A City like this can use
benefits to great advantages most all the time. But you see the results
of Municipalising all sorts of crime from straight burglary up to life
insurance resulted in the Police having nothing to do. There wasn't
anybody to arrest, or to quell, or to club, and so they turned us into a
social organisation and that's where Tea Drinking comes in strong. Every
afternoon at five o clock, tea is served on every corner in Blunderland
by the Policeman on beat. They have become quite a public function, but
they're a trifle hard on the police who don't care for tea, because we
have to be very polite and take it with everybody who comes up, and be
nice and chatty into the bargain. In addition to this we are required to
go to dances and take care of the wall-flowers and make ourselves
generally agreeable. It is one of the laws of Blunderland that all girls
are born free and equal in the pursuit of life, liberty and german
favours, and when any of the Terpsichorean Force finds a girl with red
hair and snub nose with freckles on it decorating the wall and being
neglected at a cotillion, it is his duty to plunge in and either dance
with her himself, or put some Willieboy under arrest until he calls her
out and gives her the time of her life. You can't imagine what wonderful
results this Municipal Control of that social situation has done in the
line of popularising plain girls."

"It sounds very interesting," Alice ventured. "I should think the girls
would like it."

"They do," said the Dormouse. "The only objection to it comes from the
Willieboys, but nobody cares much what they think because there aren't
many of them that _can_ think."

"And is that all you do?" asked Alice.

"Oh, no indeed," said the Dormouse. "We keep reserves for Bridge Parties
at the Station all the time, so that if any taxpayer ever needs a fourth
hand to make up a game all he has to do is to ring up headquarters and
get an ossifer to come up and play. In addition to this we look after
old ladies who want to go shopping and aren't strong enough to break
through the rush line at the bargain counters. And then once in a while
somebody's baby will wake up at three o'clock in the morning and demand
the moon, and w