the puddin'-thieves!'

[Illustration]

'Behold the what?' exclaimed Bill.

'Puddin'-thieves,' said one of the bell-topperers. 'For well you know
that that dear Puddin' in your hand has been stolen from its parents and
guardians, which is ourselves.' And the other bell-topperer added, 'Deny
it not, for with that dear Puddin' in your hand your guilt is manifest.'

'Well, if this ain't enough to dumbfound a codfish,' exclaimed Bill.
'Here's two total strangers, disguised as undertakers, actually accusin'
us of stealin' our own Puddin'. Why, it's outside the bounds of
comprehension!'

'It's enough to stagger the senses,' said Sam.

'It's enough to daze the mind with horror,' said Bill.

'Come, come,' said the bell-topperers, 'cease these expressions of
amazement and hand over the stolen Puddin'.'

'What d'yer mean,' exclaimed Bill, 'by calling this a stolen Puddin'?
It's a respectable steak-and-kidney, apple-dumplin', grand digestive
Puddin', and any fellers in pot-hats sayin' it's a stolen Puddin' is
scoundrels of the deepest dye.'

'Never use such words to people wearing bell-toppers,' said one of the
bell-topperers, and the other added, 'With that dear Puddin' gazing up
to heaven, how can you use such words?'

'All very fine, no doubt,' sneered Bill, 'but if you ain't scoundrels of
the deepest dye, remove them hats and prove you ain't afraid to look us
in the eye.'

'No, no,' said the first bell-topperer. 'No removing hats at present on
account of sunstroke, and colds in the head, and doctor's orders. My
doctor said to me only this morning, "Never remove your hat." Those were
his words. "Let it be your rule through life," he said, "to keep the
head warm, whatever happens."'

'No singing "God save the King", neither,' said the other bell-topperer.
'Let your conduct be noble, and never sing the National Anthem to people
wearing bell-toppers.'

'In fact,' said the first bell-topperer, 'all we say is, hand over the
Puddin' with a few well-chosen words, and all ill-feeling will be
dropped.'

Bill was so enraged at this suggestion that he dashed his hat on the
ground and kicked it to relieve his feelings. 'Law or no law,' he
shouted, 'I call on all hands to knock them bell-toppers off.'

All hands made a rush for the bell-topperers, who shouted, 'An
Englishman's hat is his castle,' and Top-hats are sacred things'; but
they were overpowered by numbers, and their hats were snatched off. 'THE
PUDDIN'-THIEVES!