with pain and grief,
I can't believe it's true,
That we should have a puddin'-thief
Or two in Tooraloo.

'It is enough to make one dumb
And very pale in hue
To know that puddin'-thieves should come
To sacred Tooraloo.

'The Law's just anger must appear.
Ho! seize these scoundrels who
Pollute the moral atmosphere
Of rural Tooraloo.'

'We protest against these cruel words,' said the Possum. 'We have been
assaulted and battered and snout-bended by ruffians of the worst
description.'

'How can Your Worship say such things,' said the Wombat, 'and us
a-wearin' bell-toppers before your very eyes.'

'If you've been assaulted and battered,' said the Mayor, 'we shall have
to arrest the assaulters and batterers, as well.'

'What's fair to one is fair to all,' said the Constable. 'You'll admit
that, of course?' he added to Bill.

'I admit nothin' of the sort,' said Bill. 'If you want to arrest
anybody, do your duty and arrest these here puddin'-snatchers.

'If you're an officer of the Law,
A constant felon-catcher,
Then do not hesitate before
A common puddin'-snatcher.'

[Illustration]

'We call on you to arrest these assaulters and batterers of people
wearing top-hats,' said the puddin'-thieves;

'Our innocence let all attest,
We prove it by our hatter;
It is your duty to arrest
Not those in top-hats of the best
But those who top-hats batter.'

'It's very clear that somebody has to be arrested,' said the Mayor. 'I
can't be put to the trouble of wearing my robes of office in public
without somebody having to pay for it. I don't care whether you arrest
the top-hat batterers, or the battered top-hatters; all I say is, do
your duty, whatever happens--

'So somebody, no matter who,
You must arrest or rue it;
As I'm the Mayor of Tooraloo,
And you've the painful job to do,
I call on you to do it.'

[Illustration]

'Very well,' said the Constable, peevishly, 'as I've got to take all the
responsibility, I'll settle the matter by arresting the Puddin'. As far
as I can see, he's the ringleader in this disturbance.'

'You're a carrot-nosed poltroon,' said the Puddin' loudly. 'As for the
Mayor, he's a sausage-shaped porous plaster,' and he gave him a sharp
pinch in the leg.

'What a ferocious Puddin',' said the Mayor, turning as pale as a turnip.
'Officer, do your duty and arrest this dangerous felon before he
perpetrates further sacril