* * *

"WANTED Situation by respectable middle-aged Girl; working
housekeeper, can cook, bake; would not object to milk one cow
(Protestant)."--_Ulster Paper._

As distinct from a Papal Bull.

* * * * *

SINGULAR COINCIDENCE.

"Having successfully towed the disabled American steamer
Tashmoo 1,200 miles, the Fort Stephens, a Cunard steamer,
arrived at Queenstown on Saturday."--_Daily Paper._

"Having successfully towed the disabled American steamer
Tashmos, with which she fell in last Monday, 200 miles, the
Fort Stephen, a Cunard steamer, arrived at Queenstown on
Saturday."--_Same paper, same day._

* * * * *

"The King has notified his intention to command the attendance
of Lieutenants of Counties and the Lord Mayors and the Lost
Provosts of Great Britain, at Buckingham Palace on the 15th
instant."--_Glasgow Paper._

Mr. Punch hopes that this additional publicity will lead to the
recovery of the missing magistrates.

* * * * *

THE AUTHOR-MANAGERS.

Literature is becoming so commercialised that it is to be expected
that before long popular authors, who already surreptitiously practise
the tradesman's art, will go a step further and write their own
advertisements. No longer will they be content to get themselves
interviewed on the subject of their next book, their new car and
their favourite poodle, or to depend on the oleaginous eulogies of the
publishers.

For instance:

MR. DOUGLAS DORMY
begs to announce that he is
NOW SHOWING
his new Novel,
THE HIDDEN HAND OF HATE,
and confidently recommends it to
his Customers.
It contains no fewer than 92,563 of the
_BEST WORDS_
in the English Language
and is guaranteed
FREE from Split Infinitives.

Or again:

Are YOU one of the
mentally alert men, the wistful women,
who have filled up an application form
to-day for
_PATTERNS OF CHAPTER ONE_
of
SEPTIMUS POSHER'S
New great romance of love and mystery
THE SICKENING THUD?
If you have not already done so, lose
no time, but write asking for sample of
_OPENING CHAPTER_
(where the PINK-EYED WOMAN prevents
the marriage of ETHEL and LUDOVIC);
of
_CHAPTER NINETY_,
with its nine SUPERB-QUALITY MURDERS;
or
_CHAPTER TWO HUNDRED_
(the last), where ETHEL and LUDOVIC
at last set