side of the
windows has to be brought up to the same standard; and if once you
have painted the outside of a window you are practically committed to
painting the whole house.

The only thing that stops me painting is a turpentine crisis, which
usually occurs just before church on Sunday morning, when one has
three workmanlike coats of glossy enamel or pale-green on one's hands.
Week-end painters should keep a close eye on the situation, and
cease work while there is yet sufficient turpentine to cope with the
workmanlike coats; for I find that in these days the churchwardens
look askance at you if you put in a penny with a pale-green hand.

The extraordinary thing is that this painting fever doesn't seem to
afflict professional painters; they know exactly when to stop. But
then they don't appreciate the luxury of their lot. They don't realise
that theirs is one of the few forms of labour in which a man has some
tangible result (well, not tangible, perhaps) to show for his work at
the end of the day. There is nothing more satisfactory than that. It
is true, no doubt, that the professional painter would rather have a
windy article like this to show; all I can say is I would rather have
a bright-blue basement or a middle-green conservatory.

A.P.H.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Young Lady_ (_making conversation_). "HOW PERFECTLY
SWEET! I'M SURE I MUST HAVE BEEN THERE. I REMEMBER THOSE GLORIOUS
PINES."

_Real Artist._ "I CALL THAT 'THE FERTILISING INFLUENCE OF THE SUN'S
RAYS ON THE MIND OF A POET LOST IN THOUGHT.'"

_Young Lady._ "HOW _PERFECTLY_ SWEET! NO WONDER HE LOST IT, POOR
DARLING."]

* * * * *

THE EVE OF GREAT POSSIBILITIES.

In a Press sighing deeply over the various Labour crises there is the
glad news that Mr. CLEM EDWARDS, M.P. (barrister), of the National
Democratic Party, has made a match with Mr. JAMES WALTON, M.P.
(miner), of the Labour Party, to "hew, fill and train two tons of coal
in the shortest time for fifty pounds a side." The contest is to take
place at Whitsuntide.

We hope that more Members of Parliament will follow suit, and
challenge each other to feats of wholesome toil, to the great benefit
of the nation.

In time no doubt the idea would take on with the masses and an immense
amount of useful work would be performed disguised as sport. August
Bank Holiday might become the great yearly fixture for a sort of
Gentlemen _