urn his hand
to some very queer jobs occasionally.

'I'll tell you what _I_ think,' observed his lordship. 'I think there are
two ways of getting rid of this haughty Philistine--this unclean
spirit--this 'bomination of a man. I think, in the first place, if old
Chatterbox knew that he had nothing, he would very soon bow him out of
Jawleyford Court; and in the second, that we might get rid of him by buying
his horses.'

'Well,' replied Jack, 'I don't know but you're right. Chatterbox would soon
wash his hands of him, as he has done of many promising young gentlemen
before, if he has nothing; but people differ so in their ideas of what
nothing consists of.'

Jack spoke feelingly, for he was a gentleman who was generally spoken of as
having nothing a year, paid quarterly; and yet he was in the enjoyment of
an annuity of sixty pounds.

'Oh, why, when I say he has nothing,' replied Lord Scamperdale, 'I mean
that he has not what Jawleyford, who is a bumptious sort of an ass, would
consider sufficient to make him a fit match for one of his daughters. He
may have a few hundreds a year, but Jaw, I'm sure, will look at nothing
under thousands.'

'Oh, certainly not,' said Jack, 'there's no doubt about that.'

'Well, then, you see, I was thinking,' observed Lord Scamperdale, eyeing
Jack's countenance, 'that if you would dine there to-morrow, as we fixed--'

'Oh, dash it! I couldn't do that,' interrupted Jack, drawing himself
together in his chair like a horse refusing a leap; 'I couldn't do that--I
couldn't dine with Jaw, not at no price.'

'Why not?' asked Lord Scamperdale; 'he'll give you a good
dinner--fricassees, and all sorts of good things; far finer fare than you
have here.'

'That may all be,' replied Jack, 'but I don't want none of his food. I hate
the sight of the fellow, and detest him fresh every time I see him.
Consider, too, you said you'd let me off if I sarved out Sponge; and I'm
sure I did my best. I led him over some awful places, and then what a
ducking I got! My ears are full of water still,' added he, laying his head
on one side to try to run it out.

'You did well,' observed Lord Scamperdale--'you did well, and I fully
intended to let you off, but then I didn't know what a beggar I had to
deal with. Come, say you'll go, that's a good fellow.'

'Couldn't,' replied Jack, squinting frightfully.

'You'll _oblige_ me,' observed Lord Scamperdale.

'Ah, well, I'd do anything to oblige your lordship,'